Holding On To What I Haven't Got
by Fenice158
Summary: When Spock steps onto the bridge Kirk is nowhere to be found. Luckily the crew of the Enterprise refuses to give up on searching for their Captain. [Canon divergent AU starting from the end of the first movie. Ensemble fic.]
1. The Sun Must Set

**Notes:** written for jouissant for happy_trekmas. Many thanks to my beta davidpierreseb9 for her precious help!

**Warnings:** minor character death, a couple instances of language, brief mentions of the following: slave and arms trafficking, torture, brainwashing, Tarsus IV.

* * *

**1**

**The Sun Must Set**

**Day 1**

Spock entered the turbolift that would take him to the bridge where he would join the rest of the senior crew of the _Enterprise_. As Chief Science Officer he had needed to check his department personally before reporting to his Captain. He intended to offer his candidacy as First Officer upon entering the bridge and was confident that it would be accepted even though Jim had never mentioned it during the months they had worked together before being assigned the five-year mission. When the lift opened a quick scan of the bridge informed him the Captain wasn't there.

"Where is the Captain? " he asked McCoy who was standing by Sulu's station, distractedly looking at the view screen.

McCoy turned around, frowning, "I thought he was with you."

"I have not yet seen him."

"Where the hell is he then? "

Spock strode towards the science station and asked, "Computer, locate Captain Kirk."

The computer seemed to take longer than usual to answer, "Captain Kirk is not on board."

Spock looked back at McCoy who was frowning even more deeply now.

"There must be a mistake." Sulu intervened.

"Great, we haven't even left space dock yet and the technology is already failing us." McCoy grumbled.

"Ensign Chekov, issue a ship-wide request for Captain Kirk to contact the bridge. Lieutenant Uhura, contact Engineering and have them check the system."

"Aye, sir." They chorused at Spock's orders.

Ten minutes passed without any response from Kirk. Chekov repeated his message two more times before Spock spoke again.

"Lieutenant Uhura, contact base and inquire as to the Captain's location. His transport might have been delayed."

"I have Admiral Pike for you, Commander." Uhura said a few minutes later.

"On the view screen."

Pike looked stony as usual when he appeared on the screen, "Spock, we can't find him."

**Day 383**

"Spock to _Enterprise_. Our information seems to have been partially incorrect as the building is already under attack." Hidden behind the foliage surrounding their target location he could still see the windows and was able to recognize phaser fire even from that distance.

"Proceed as planned, Commander, but be careful."

"Aye, sir."

Spock gestured to the five security officers that were with him to get in position. Under the cover of darkness they separated into two groups of three and advanced towards the building, Spock moving towards the main entrance while Lieutenant Harris led her group to the back entrance. Once inside they found three guards lying on the ground and Spock bent down next to one of them to check his pulse. The man was alive but had clearly been stunned, Spock rapidly searched his mind for any information about the attackers. He got up and silently signed two to the officers with him. The intruders were masked so Spock hadn't been able to surmise anything else, but they knew there had to be at least a third person to neutralize the guards at the back entrance.

As Spock was moving towards the lift the lights went out, probably in an attempt to stop any alarms from going off and making communications more difficult for the locals. Red emergency lights came on almost immediately and Spock stopped with his back against the wall, tending his ear to any noise but he couldn't hear anything. Lieutenant Britti was still in the middle of the entrance hall and as they locked eyes he gestured to a door on Spock's left. All three moved towards it and Lieutenant Britti opened it as Ensign Kawamura covered for him. Britti gestured for them to follow him and the door closed behind them with a soft click that reverberated in the eerie silence. Britti and Kawamura checked the stairs for intruders but none were in sight, so Spock signaled for them to go up and they stopped when they got to the third level.

As they exited they heard phaser fire approaching and they ducked into an empty corridor. A masked black figure ran past it without noticing them. Spock immediately moved to follow it while Kawamura and Britti covered for him, stunning the guards who had been following the figure. But the guards were armed, too and Spock saw Britti fall down just as he turned a corner. He couldn't stop though, Britti and Kawamura knew he had a mission to accomplish and they were there to make sure he could. He ran after the masked figure and saw him turn another corner, Spock slowed down as he approached it to make sure it was safe for him to follow, but when he saw an empty corridor he started running again.

Pain exploded right above his left knee and Spock lost his balance, falling to the ground. From one of the doors the masked man appeared and shot again at Spock, this time aiming for his chest. Spock ducked and shot to stun but the man was unfazed, and he started running again as if Spock had never fired at all. Spock aimed again and shot him three times in the back, but the man just turned around and fired again, hitting Spock in his left shoulder.

Spock got up and started following him again, using all of his mental training to minimize the pain he was feeling. Somehow the masked man was immune to phaser fire set to stun, but Spock couldn't afford to kill him so he had to devise a different way to neutralize him, perhaps with a Vulcan pinch if it came to a physical confrontation.

The corridor he was in ended into a large hall and the wall on Spock's right was completely made of glass, as it was connected to what appeared to be a huge greenhouse. The door was open and Spock noticed phaser fire reflected into the glass ceiling in the distance. He rushed in and his senses were hit by the humidity and strong smell of foreign plants, but there was something else underlining the smell of vegetation, like something burning.

A scream, raw and primal, erupted in the air and Spock started running again towards it until he arrived to the other side of the greenhouse, where a glass wall overlooked the gardens outside. Standing there were two masked figure who immediately fired at him. Spock ducked and the two figures turned around, smashing a hole in the glass to jump out and escape. Spock stood again and finally saw who had been screaming.

Lieutenant Harris had fallen into the foliage, her face was a mask of pain that had already rendered her unconscious. Her right arm seemed to be catching fire but there were no flames, it was black and red like burning coals and it seemed to be spreading to her whole body. Powerless, Spock could only watch as she turned to ashes in front of his eyes in a matter of seconds.

Lieutenant Jones appeared from the foliage in that moment, visibly limping and holding her side, "Commander," she whispered hoarsely, "what did they do to her?"

"I do not know, Lieutenant. Where is Ensign Henscheid?" He asked, enquiring after the third member of the second team.

"He's dead, sir." She reported.

"Spock to _Enterprise_." He spoke into his earpiece. "Mr. Scott?"

"I'm here, Commander. Ready to come home?"

"I will stay on site but beam back all members of the team, dead or alive."

"Dead?! Mr. Spock- "

"Spock out." He cut all communications but as he started running again to exit the greenhouse he saw lights enveloping Jones and knew she'd be taken care of.

As he reached the hall again two more masked figures emerged from one of the doors, all three drew their weapons but only Spock and one of the other men shot, while the second figure froze. Spock was hit in the chest but the other man didn't falter under Spock's fire and after a few seconds disappeared into swirling lights. Spock fell on his hands and knees, he knew he was an open target, knew that he had to defend himself somehow, but breathing was getting harder and his vision was blurring as he fought to take control of his vital systems enough to at least get back to the _Enterprise_.

The remaining man was now running towards him and Spock was nowhere near ready for a physical confrontation, but he couldn't die, that much he knew. He pointed his phaser towards his enemy, knowing it was pointless but having no other option. The man easily took it from him just as Spock lost consciousness.

His last fleeting thought was that he had failed Jim again.


	2. I Can't Bear This Time

**2**

**I Can't Bear This Time**

**Day 1**

"Spock, we can't find him."

Spock frowned, "Please elaborate."

Pike's demeanor was very professional but the set of his lips betrayed his worry, "He's not anywhere he should be. I've sent people looking for him and I'll let you know as soon as I find him but right now I have no idea what happened. Pike out."

And with that the bridge crew was left staring at the empty screen.

"Maybe he just overslept." McCoy ventured unconvincingly. Spock gave him a terse nod and everybody else took it as a signal to busy themselves while they waited.

**Day 2**

Breaking News – Starfleet Command confirms the disappearance of Captain James Tiberius Kirk after 24 hours of silence in the face of rising rumors after the starship _Enterprise_ delayed launch. No further information was volunteered.

**Earth Programming (available to all Federation citizens)**

**Transmitting from San Francisco, Earth**

**Transcript**

[Fred] "So what do you think, Kaylee, is the young captain AWOL?"

[Kaylee] "That's the rumor that seems to be spreading, Fred, and I find it completely ridiculous."

[Fred] "Because you believe he is more honorable than that?"

[Kaylee] "Because I know Starfleet and if they were trying to cover up something like that, they would have given the media _something_ to work with rather than complete silence."

[Fred] "Why would they cover for Kirk if he left Starfleet? "

[Kaylee] "Because if someone as high-profile as Kirk decides to suddenly flip them off it's not only a scandal but really the worst kind of publicity they could get when they're trying to rebuild their ranks."

[Fred] "But you still think they're trying to cover something up?"

[Kaylee] "I think they're scrambling. Their silence speaks volumes to me. Something bad happened and they hit the panic button."

**Day 1**

They waited almost an hour for Pike to contact them again. When he did he looked shaken, even as he tried to disguise it, "I'm afraid I have bad news. I personally checked his quarters and… there was blood and there was obviously a struggle but there wasn't any trace of him."

There was a sharp intake of breath and a few dismayed murmurs. Spock sat rigidly on the Captain's chair, waiting to hear more.

"Damn it!" McCoy swore, his eyes traveled over the room, not really seeing the stricken expressions around him, before he looked back at Pike's tense face on the view screen, "How much blood are we talking about?"

"Nothing life threatening, at least not by the looks of it. SIS is processing the scene right now and we'll know more in a few hours but we think he's been kidnapped. When's the last you saw him? "

"At dinner last night, we were all there," McCoy gestured vaguely to the people around him.

"Did you go back to quarters with him? "

McCoy pinched his nose, "No, he said he was going to visit a friend. I thought he meant…"

Uhura jumped out of her seat, attracting everyone's attention and interrupting the doctor, "He was with me, sir, we went to say goodbye to Gaila. We walked back to quarters together and separated in the main hall."

Pike nodded, "What time was that?"

Uhura paused to think, "A quarter to midnight, sir."

Pike took note of it on his PADD, "Understood. Thank you, Lieutenant. Who's the first officer?"

"The Captain did not appoint one," Spock informed him.

Chekov shot him a brief incredulous look before exclaiming, "He wanted Mr. Spock to be first officer!" gaining approving nods from both McCoy and Sulu.

"The Captain did not state any preference in the matter." Spock objected in a terse voice.

Uhura took a step towards him, "He wanted you to do it. Everybody knew, that's why only external people applied and he refused them all."

"That's enough for me." Pike interrupted, not wanting to waste any more time, "Spock you're his first officer and that means you're running this ship until we find him."

"There is no paperwork-" Spock started to object again, before Pike cut him short, his voice irritated now.

"Then fake it, Spock, we don't have time for details now and surely you can hack a couple things and make it look like he did it."

"I can do it!" Chekov offered.

"Good." Pike said, "And Spock, we're going to find him, I know it, but Starfleet Command wants to keep the whole thing on the down low so consider the ship on lockdown. Nothing gets in or out and that's an order."

"Understood, sir."

**Day 3**

News update – Starfleet Investigative Service is officially handling the investigations concerning the disappearance of Captain James Tiberius Kirk. An official statement released this morning confirms foul play and the case is now considered a kidnapping.

Further questioning was denied. Also denied was the possibility of interviewing the crew that should have served with Captain Kirk on the _Enterprise_.

**Day 6**

**Earth Programming (available to all Federation citizens)**

**Transmitting from San Francisco, Earth**

**Transcript**

[Fred] "Good morning, everyone! Today we are joined by former Starfleet Commander Oscar Stevenson. Commander, it's a pleasure."

[Stevenson] "Thank you, Fred, Kaylee. Pleasure is mine, but please I'm retired, no need to use my former title."

[Kaylee] "Thank you, Mr. Stevenson. Let's get straight to the hot topic of the week, shall we, Fred?"

[Fred] "Of course. It's been almost a week since Captain James Kirk was reported missing and Starfleet is still keeping a tight lid on the whole thing. Mr. Stevenson, why do you think Starfleet refuses to share with the public even the smallest tidbit of information about the investigations?"

[Stevenson] "I'm sure they're being very careful to protect the Captain's life. This is a kidnapping case after all."

[Fred] "Which implies it is time sensitive and yet it's been six days already and there's no progress as far as we know. How do we even know he's still alive?"

[Stevenson] "We don't but I'd say no news is good news for now. It means Starfleet is working to get him back and I'm sure we all hope they do. Let's not forget that Captain Kirk and the crew of the _Enterprise_ saved pretty much the entire Federation. I'd say they have become a symbol of hope."

[Kaylee] "Let's talk about the _Enterprise_ for a minute, Mr. Stevenson. After all the publicity because of its famous crew and the fact that it was going to be the first Starship to embark on a five year mission, now it's just sitting there waiting, but for what?"

[Stevenson] "For its Captain obviously. It's too soon to just replace him and frankly it would be disrespectful."

**Before Kirk's disappearance**

Kirk sat himself at the counter and signaled for the barman. Once he had a drink in his hand, he took a sip and actually looked around at the crowd surrounding him. He wasn't looking to get wasted but he was in need of a break, of some time to think and regroup after everything he'd been through thanks to Nero.

He had just noticed a group of very good looking women that would have been perfect company to get his mind off everything when one of them moved, revealing someone sitting alone at a table and dejectedly staring at a tall purple drink.

"What the hell?" Kirk murmured under his breath as he got up, glass firmly in his hand, and walked over to the table.

Sad, blue eyes immediately noticed his approach, "Keptin?" Chekov scrambled to look more composed.

"I'm not actually your Captain, Chekov, plus we're off duty right now anyway." Kirk said as he took a seat opposite him. "Just call me Jim."

"Yes, Jim, thank you. My name's- " Chekov started but Kirk interrupted him, a disbelieving look on his face.

"Pavel. I know your name. I remember you from class, it's hard to forget the wiz kid who can give any professor a run for their money, plus you saved my life. Let me say _thank you_ again for that, by the way." Kirk said, earning himself a smile from Chekov, but it was short-lived. "What's wrong? "

"Nothing." Chekov said and actually tried to look cheerful. Kirk thought he failed miserably, but hummed in response anyway as if he bought it. He wasn't much of a talk-about-your-feelings guy either, but whatever was bothering Chekov seemed like something serious and Kirk couldn't just ignore it.

"So, is that alcoholic?" Kirk asked, glancing at the drink in front of Chekov.

"No?" Chekov tried and Kirk smirked.

"Hey, I'm the last person who's going to judge you. It's just odd, you don't seem like the type to get wasted."

Chekov shrugged, "I'm not."

"But?" Kirk prompted.

"I can't sleep." Chekov paused and sighed, "I just can't stop _thinking_."

Kirk nodded, "I know the feeling." He also had a suspicion he knew where this was going. Surely he wasn't the only one still haunted by what had happened with Nero and it looked like Chekov was in the club too.

"I don't know how to…" Chekov hesitated, looked at his glass again and apparently decided he needed some liquid courage for this conversation. He took a gulp of his drink, but he didn't seem to like it much judging by the way his face scrunched up. "I don't know how to forgive myself." He said in rushed breath, not looking at Jim at all.

Kirk frowned, "What are you talking about? Why do you need to forgive yourself?"

Chekov turned his sad eyes back on him, "I couldn't save Mr. Spock's mother."

Kirk stared at him for a moment then he grabbed his glass and downed the rest of its content. When he opened his mouth though, Chekov stopped him.

"I've heard it all. It wasn't my fault, I did what I could. You can say all the right things, it won't change anything. If only I could have been a little faster…"

"How about we get some fresh air? It doesn't look like you're enjoying your drink anyway."

Chekov looked surprised but followed him outside anyway. They started walking, noises from the bar fading and were replaced by the soft crashing of waves as they were close to the beach.

"When I was a kid," Kirk started and he could feel Chekov's eyes on him but refused to meet his gaze, "my older brother got into trouble. It wasn't his fault but he found himself in danger and it was a bad situation that lasted for quite a while. I was only fourteen and there was nothing I could do. I kept thinking of ways I could help him, coming up with ideas and plans, but the reality was… I just had no chance against it. And I know it's different from what you're going through, because you feel like you _had_ a chance, but what I'm trying to say is you can't forgive yourself for things you weren't the cause of because _you_ did nothing wrong. All you can do is accept the fact that you couldn't change them."

He stopped and looked at Chekov, "Believe me, I know that's not easy, either, but remember everything you did change and all the lives you helped save, including every breathing thing on this planet, and focus on that."

Chekov nodded and his eyes looked a little brighter than before but Kirk didn't mention it, "I didn't get a chance to tell the Commander how sorry I am."

"I've heard he's leaving Starfleet. I doubt he holds a grudge against you if it makes you feel any better."

"Because he's Vulcan?"

"I think some of us know now that Vulcans do feel, they just don't generally show it." Kirk said, giving him a meaningful look that said he still had the bruises to prove it, "What I meant was, he knows you're not to blame."

They walked in silence for a bit, until Chekov said, "I wish I could tell him though."

"I know."

"Do you miss him?"

Kirk stopped and turned to look at Chekov as if he had grown a second head, "Miss him? I barely know him. It's not like we got along all that well either."

Chekov shrugged, "You seemed to be very in tune after some… trouble."

Kirk laughed weakly, "That's one way of calling it." Suddenly he thought back to the older Spock on Delta Vega. _Hello, old friend._ "Nah, it was probably just a fluke." He said, but Chekov didn't look convinced and he wasn't sure he was either.

**Day 8**

The door to Chekov's quarters swished open and he hurriedly switched his PADD off as Sulu walked into the room.

"Hey, Spock should be back soon. Why don't we wait for him downstairs?" Sulu asked.

"Sure." Chekov agreed and moved to grab his communicator, PADD held closely in his hand.

Sulu eyed the PADD critically, "Don't tell me you're still tracking every news outlet on Earth…" he paused, waiting for Chekov to deny it but he only received a guilty look from his friend, "but you hate the way they talk about him! Why do that to yourself? They're not gonna know anything before we do anyway."

Chekov spread his arms in an almost defiant gesture, "How can you be sure? I don't have a direct line to the Admiralty! "

"But we have a direct line to Spock and that's as good as it gets right now." Sulu said in a conciliatory tone. He didn't mean to upset his friend, but he honestly thought sitting around obsessing over every rumor or so called news item couldn't be good for him.

"It doesn't help us find him, though, and they're not letting us _do_ anything." Chekov objected, his frustration showing through.

Sulu's shoulders slumped a bit, having to sit back and wait for others to find their Captain had been hard on them all. "Then maybe it's time we do something." Sulu said and immediately saw a spark lighting up in Pavel's eyes.

**Day 9**

"Wait." McCoy held up his hands to stop Chekov from spouting anymore techno babble at him, "You're telling me you _hacked_ Starfleet's database? "

"Hacked is a strong word…" Sulu interjected.

"No, I hacked SIS's database to find out what they've got on Kirk's case." Chekov explained, apparently unfazed at the lack of legality that implied.

"Which is a whole load of nothing." Uhura scoffed.

"So you've all been working on this?" McCoy asked, sitting down on Chekov's bed. The room was a mess, with PADDs, remnants of snacks, tools and computer parts lying around. Not to mention Scotty passed out and snoring lightly in a chair. It looked like Chekov's incessantly whirring computer had needed some upgrades.

Sulu shrugged, "I only provided coffee, hacking's not my strong suit."

"I've been translating documents but so far I haven't come across anything particularly interesting." Uhura said.

Chekov rubbed his face, obviously having a hard time keeping his eyes open, "The point is, it took all night but now we finally know what they know. We just have to go through a lot of material."

"And we could use some help." Sulu added.

McCoy, who was torn between ordering Chekov to go to sleep and asking him to tell him everything he found about Jim right that second, turned to look at Spock, who was silently standing by Chekov's desk with his back to the window.

"Was your intrusion detected?" Spock asked and Chekov shook his head immediately.

"No, it wasn't. I was very careful, Mr. Scott helped me. We didn't leave any trace."

"Tell us what you found, then." McCoy encouraged him.

"It looks like they're following different leads but they've excluded any involvement from the Romulan Empire."

McCoy frowned, "Really? They went there first? Just because we killed _one_ crazy Romulan?"

"It is the logical course of action." Spock said and the doctor rolled his eyes.

"If you say so."

"They suspect a couple of fanatic groups and they're working with the Vulcan Council to investigate eventual threats to them that could be tied to his kidnapping, but so far the Vulcans have had nothing to report in that sense." Chekov continued.

"Well, that's good for them but where does it leave us?" McCoy asked, "What can we _do_?"

"One of the groups they're investigating is based on Earth. They're apparently against the federation and might have targeted Kirk as Starfleet's poster boy." Sulu explained as he handed Spock and McCoy PADDS with the relevant information.

"Without claiming responsibility? That doesn't make any sense." McCoy objected.

"Actually they did but Starfleet was somehow able to keep it under wraps." Uhura replied.

"Along with a ridiculous amount of ransom demands that have been dismissed as false, but I think we should check into those, too." Sulu added.

"Where are these groups located?" Spock inquired.

"One is right here on Earth and it seems to be SIS's prime suspect right now. Their main known location is in New Zealand." Uhura said.

"So what's SIS doing? Are they negotiating with them?" McCoy asked.

Chekov shook his head, "No, there has been some communication but they're still trying to figure out if their claim is real."

McCoy sighed, pausing to look around once again and process all the new information, "Chekov, I appreciate knowing a little more about what's going on but I'm a doctor not a detective, how are we supposed to do a better job than these people? "

Sulu, Spock and Uhura all started talking at the same time, "Fresh eyes. We might bring a new perspective to what they've found."

"Our training fully prepared us to analyze a variety of unknown occurrences and this will prove no different."

"We're smart and we _care_, we can figure it out."

The excess noise startled Scotty awake, "What's happening? Did you find something?" he asked frantically as he tried to find his bearings.

Chekov just smiled at McCoy, "We can do it."

"Something tells me you've all spent too much time with Jim." McCoy said as he shook his head in a slow, almost disbelieving manner. Then he grabbed the PADD Sulu had given him and started reading.

**Day 383**

"Scott to bridge."

"What's the situation? "

"I'm getting an emergency beam up signal from Mr. Spock but I'm also detecting a second life form with him."

"Beam them both up! I'll be right there."

When Pike got to the transporter room he saw Spock lying unconscious on the pad with a masked man kneeling next to him, his arms raised in surrender at the four security officers that were pointing phasers at him. McCoy was shouting orders at two nurses that had come in with a stretcher.

"Take him to the brig." Pike ordered and two of the security officers stepped closer to the masked figure, who stood up and stepped back a little, letting McCoy and his nurses get Spock on the stretcher and out of the room.

"Wait." The man said, his voice sounding distorted and metallic through his mask. "I have something to show you." Slowly as to not alarm the people around him, he pulled out a small data card from a hidden pocket on his chest and handed it to Pike.

"For your eyes only."

Pike eyed him suspiciously before taking it and inserting it in the computer. Scotty reluctantly gave him space to do so, as if he was afraid the computer might explode in Pike's face once the card was in. Pike's expression was unreadable as he scanned the information on the screen in front of him and he silently pocketed the card once he was done.

"Take him to the brig." He repeated.

"What?! Didn't you read that? Let me off this ship!" The man tried to fight back but Lieutenant Jones, who had been on the planet with Spock, had managed to warn them that phaser fire had been useless against the masked intruders and the security officers had prepared themselves accordingly. One of them managed to strike his head, making him lose consciousness.


	3. O Captain My Captain

**3**

**O Captain, My Captain**

**Before Kirk's disappearance**

"Sir, you requested to see me?" Kirk asked, standing in front of Pike's office door.

"Yes, come on in." Pike gestured him in.

Kirk started walking towards Pike's desk but brusquely halted his steps when he realized the other officer standing in front of it was Spock, "Spock! I mean, Commander, it's good to see you again."

Spock nodded politely in greeting and Kirk joined him in front of the Admiral.

"You're graduating at the end of the month and I have your assignment here." Pike handed him a PADD.

It almost fell from his fingers when he read it but he managed to cover his slip by using both hands to hold it. Though he was sure the shock was pretty obvious in his eyes when he looked back at Pike. His mentor knew him well enough that it was pointless to even try and disguise it.

"It's a huge honor, sir."

Pike nodded, "It is and I'm sure you'll make me proud, son."

Swallowing hard at the affection in Pike's voice, Kirk assured him, "I will do my best."

"There will be a ceremony soon to make it official, obviously. Commander Spock will be your science officer." Pike added and Kirk's head whipped around to look at Spock.

"I thought you had resigned."

"I decided otherwise." Spock said simply and Kirk smiled.

"It's great to have you on board then."

"You'll have to supervise ship's operations now and until departure." Pike reminded him, "The _Enterprise_ suffered a lot of damage and reparations might take a while."

"If you wish I can assist you with that duty, Captain." Spock offered and Jim was pretty sure his smile was blinding when he replied.

"That would be great, Commander, thank you."

**Day 21**

The first thing Pike heard was shouting right outside his office. He reached the door just as it swished open.

"I don't care if he's busy! " Winona Kirk snapped at his assistant.

"Winona!" Pike exclaimed in surprise as she stormed in and fixed him with an angry glare, "Shouldn't you be in protective custody? "

If anything, she looked even angrier at that question, "Fuck that! I don't need protection, I just need my son back!"

"We're doing our best to find him-" he started but she interrupted him.

"This is all your fault! "

"Winona…" Pike raised his arms in a placating gesture. She was obviously upset. There were dark circles under her bloodshot eyes, clear signs that she had not slept much and had probably been crying, which didn't surprise him. She was wearing a grey shirt that had seen better days and jeans tucked inside her black boots. He was pretty sure she looked thinner than the last time he'd seen her, which just made him worry more.

"None of this would have happened if you'd kept your mouth shut! But you just had to meddle in his life, didn't you?! He was perfectly fine before you made him enlist! "

"He wasn't fine!" Pike protested despite his better judgment. She was just a desperate mother, she didn't need a lecture. "He was drifting without a purpose, wasting his talents, not to mention he was bored out of his mind!"

"But he was _safe_!" She shouted and a tear slid down her cheek.

"But he wasn't _happy_." Pike retorted, "You know it, just like I do. You've seen the difference in him ever since he joined. He was just scared of following his dreams." He regretted the words almost immediately, knowing they were going to hurt her. A part of him wondered if he was trying to justify his choices to Winona or to himself. After all, when it came to Jim, sometimes he just felt like a desperate father.

"He never said a word about Starfleet before _you_ came along." She angrily wiped her face with her hands.

Pike sighed, his voice going back to a more conciliatory tone, "Of course he didn't. He was afraid it would be too painful for you. But he's happy now and your support meant a lot to him."

"He's not happy _now_. He might be dead!" Her voice broke on the last word and he could almost see the fight going out of her, leaving just pain and desperation to keep her standing.

Pike approached her slowly, taking her hands to try and comfort her. "He's not. I told you he's alive."

"How am I supposed to believe that? It's been _three weeks_ and they still don't tell me anything! I'm his mother! I have a right to know what's going on!"

"Mrs. Kirk?" Spock's voice sounded from behind her and she turned to see him standing by the windows.

"Spock? I didn't see you there, I'm sorry." She sounded almost embarrassed, "Are you okay? They didn't even let me contact you or Leonard."

"If you haven't noticed, he gets his temper from his mother." Pike interjected, trying to lighten the atmosphere but earning a hard punch in the arm from Winona instead.

Spock approached them, apparently ignoring their inappropriate behavior, "I have proof that Jim is alive."

**Before Kirk's disappearance**

Uhura walked the familiar halls of the hospital to her usual destination and was surprised to find there was already a visitor in the room. Gaila had a lot of friends but most of them died or were hurt during the Battle of Vulcan so Uhura was usually the only one visiting her.

"And then things got heated and Scotty threatened to throw me out. Can you believe that?" a familiar voice was narrating with laughter in his voice, "The funny thing is, it almost seemed like Spock was amused at the whole exchange. Not that he let it show but he just stood there and watched. He does that sometimes and it makes me feel like I'm one of his experiments or something. I'm getting used to it, though."

"He probably thinks you're a bit of a puzzle, Captain." Uhura said entering the room and smiling at Kirk when he turned towards her.

"Uhura, hi!" She thought his smile looked almost shy now that she had caught him talking to Gaila when she was in a coma. She wished she could tell him how much it meant to her, knowing she wasn't the only one who cared, but she wasn't sure she could do it without breaking down. She had known Gaila had indicated her as her next of kin, not having any family to speak of, but the weight of the responsibility was hard to live with, especially when she was already grieving for so many lives.

"So what did Spock do then?" Uhura asked, keeping her tone light as she placed a bag of essentials next to the bed.

"Uh, he actually agreed with me. Told Scotty he had to file all the paperwork for any little change he wished to make and have it approved _before_ he installed anything. That should keep him from accidentally blowing us up." Kirk related, then closed his eyes and grimaced. "Sorry."

Among other things, Gaila had suffered severe burns for which she was still receiving treatment and her body was half covered in protective bandages.

"It's okay." Uhura said, "I'm pretty sure it's in your job description to try and prevent the ship from blowing up."

He grinned at her, "It's an unwritten rule, yeah."

At that moment nurse Chapel came in to check on Gaila and they both greeted her. Uhura was around so much she knew almost all the nurses that worked the floor, but Christine was one of her favorites.

"The Admiral is awake now if you want to see him. They should be bringing him dinner in a little while." She informed Kirk.

"Thank you, I'll go steal his dessert then." He turned to smile at Uhura, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I didn't know he was close with the Admiral." Uhura observed when he was gone.

"I don't think they're actually related or anything, but Pike treats him like a son when he's around." Chapel said as she checked Gaila's vitals and replaced one of the vials she was being treated with.

"You know him well?"

"Kirk? " Chapel asked and Uhura nodded. "Not really, though he's here almost every day. He spends most of his time with Pike and always stops by to see how Gaila is doing, but I've heard he's been going around and checking in with people who served on the _Enterprise_ during the battle." She didn't need to specify which one, they both knew it very well. "Seems like a good guy."

"He is."

"You work with him, right?" Chapel asked.

"He's my Captain." She confirmed, feeling genuinely proud of calling him that.

**Day 39**

"What happened now?" McCoy asked tiredly when Spock and Sulu showed up during his shift at Starfleet's hospital. Spock showed him one of his hands, which had a long bloody cut on the palm, and McCoy ushered him wordlessly in a room. He had Spock sit down and pointed a light at his hand to inspect it, noticing immediately bits and pieces in the flesh that needed to be removed.

"What did you break?" The doctor asked as he started working.

"A PADD." Spock answered, his tone void of any emotion.

"Among other things." Sulu muttered and McCoy leveled both of them with a half incredulous half amused look.

"Let me guess, one of those nice reporters approached you."

"Indeed." Spock provided.

"You gonna have trouble?" He asked, having been there himself.

"I'm the only witness." Sulu said, "So maybe not."

**Day 46**

"What _the hell_ were you thinking?!" Pike shouted in Spock's face, "Refusing to follow your Captain's orders?! Instigating the whole crew to mutiny?! You think this is going to help us find Jim?! Because it isn't! Do you have any idea the scandal this is going to create if it gets out?!"

"Sir," McCoy, who was standing at attention right next to Spock, intervened, "with all due respect, Spock did not instigate us to do anything."

"I don't care! You all followed him, didn't you?! What did you think was going to happen? You thought we'd just laugh it off? This is a serious breach of conduct!" his angry gaze travelled over the line of officers standing at attention in front of him. Sulu and Uhura looked admirably stony-faced in the face of his anger, Chekov's eyes betrayed some nervousness, but what attracted Pike's attention was something in Scott's expression, a guilty quiver that made him suspicious.

He walked slowly, almost threateningly, to where Scott was standing and stared him down. "What exactly were you going to do after you all pulled that stunt?" Pike asked calmly, his voice as cold as ice.

Scott swallowed audibly.

"Scotty don't." McCoy warned and Pike shot him a thunderous glare that reduced him to silence.

"We were going to rescue Captain Kirk." Scott said in a quiet rush.

In that moment Pike could only stare at them in disbelief. He walked around his desk and sat behind it with a weary sigh. Disappointment and fatigue were etched in the lines on his face and there was a hint of sadness when he looked back at them.

"Have I ever given you the impression I don't care about Jim?" He asked, his voice even, "That I'm not doing my best to find him? Was I not the one giving you classified information about the investigation and looking the other way when you used unorthodox methods to investigate yourselves? "

"Sir," Spock started, "I appreciate your efforts-" but Pike cut him off.

"Clearly not enough!"

"But it is imperative" Spock continued, the volume of his voice raising slightly, "that we do not waste any more time."

"And I understand that. Although Starfleet has put every effort in trying to find Jim, I know it's been hard on all of you being ordered to just sit around and wait for other people to work it out. _But going rogue is not the answer_. Now you're all going to go back to your quarters and you're forbidden to do anything or speak of this until I say otherwise, is that clear? "

"Aye, sir." They chorused.

"I'm going to try and convince Starfleet Command that you don't deserve to be kicked out of Starfleet. If we're lucky they might just give me the _Enterprise_ so they can blame it on me if you pull any other stunts like this. Now go, you're all dismissed."

**Day 47**

"This is inadmissible behavior. They should _all_ be discharged dishonorably." Admiral Nogura sentenced, looking around the room where the highest ranks of Starfleet had gathered to discuss the unprecedented situation and daring anyone to disagree with him.

"I agree," Admiral Komack began, then seeing Pike ready to argue he hurried to continue, "_but _these are the same people we just finished commending for outstanding service in one of the biggest crisis Starfleet has ever faced. We shouldn't forget that. A part of me just doesn't think it's right."

Seeing an opening, Pike intervened, "If I may, I don't think this is a real mutiny. I don't need to remind you who these people are and what they've been through. Commander Spock lost his whole planet, that crew lost their friends and colleagues and yet pulled together to save us all without having even graduated yet. And then they lose their Captain, the man who led them in that battle. This is emotional compromise, not a mutiny. You ordered them to abandon him and they couldn't accept that. This is _loyalty_, something we all look for in our fellow officers. I say the least we can do is cut them some slack. Let me talk to them, I know these people, I served with them and they saved my life. Just let me talk to them."

Nogura actually glared at him, "And how do you suppose we can justify this mess when the press is already hounding us?"

"I have an idea."

**Day 56**

**Earth Programming (available to all Federation citizens)**

**Transmitting from San Francisco, Earth**

**Transcript**

[Kaylee] "Almost three weeks ago Starfleet revealed that their investigations lead them to believe the young captain James Tiberius Kirk had been taken off planet. Eleven days ago they finally reassigned the _Enterprise_ to captain Tamaro, who in a shocking move resigned just yesterday. How is this connected to Kirk's disappearance? Rumor has it, the crew of the _Enterprise_ mutinied against the new Captain _forcing_ her to resign. To discuss this further we have a very special guest tonight, Admiral Christopher Pike."

[Pike] "Good evening."

[Fred] "Admiral, it's an honor having you here."

[Pike] "Thank you."

[Fred] "Let's start with the most burning question, is it true there was a mutiny on the _Enterprise_? "

[Pike] "Of course not. I'm not sure how this rumor came about but it's false."

[Kaylee] "You must admit though that the timing and circumstances of Tamaro's resignation are suspicious."

[Pike] "Maybe that's where the misunderstanding began. Captain Tamaro has not resigned, she just asked to be reassigned due to the nature of the _Enterprise_ mission. As many Starfleet officers do, she has family on Earth and obligations to them that couldn't be forfeited for a five-year mission. Starfleet respects that and that is why her request has been accepted."

[Kaylee] "That would be a perfectly reasonable explanation if it weren't for the fact Tamaro _accepted_ her assignment when she first received her orders."

[Pike] "She did so out of her sense of duty. Something I highly commend her for, but I also respect and support her final decision."

[Fred] "What about the _Enterprise_ crew? How did they take the news of the reassignment when their former Captain is still missing? "

[Pike] "They are highly trained professionals and they know both that Starfleet has not stopped looking for Kirk and that it is necessary for our ships and personnel to keep abiding by our mission."

[Kaylee] "So they welcomed Tamaro as their new Captain?"

[Pike] "Of course."

[Kaylee] "What about Doctor McCoy? We all know the video where we see him punch a reporter asking him about Kirk."

[Pike] "Doctor McCoy is close friends with Kirk and he was ambushed by a group of reporters telling him his friend was dead, which was _once again_ false information. Nonetheless he reacted badly and has been formally reprimanded for that. He also personally apologized to the reporter in question."

[Fred] "I have to admit that I understand his reaction, even if it were true that's no way to receive that kind of news. Luckily it was a false alarm and Captain Kirk is still believed to be alive. Will the _Enterprise_ be involved in the rescue efforts now that you suspect Kirk to have been taken off planet? "

[Pike] "The _Enterprise_ was built for deep space missions and using it otherwise would be a waste of valuable resources. The rescue efforts have plenty of other vessels that will ensure Kirk will be brought back safely when found."

[Fred] "Who will take command of the _Enterprise_ now?"

[Pike] "A final decision hasn't been made yet but I'm sure we'll know it soon enough."

[Kaylee] "Are you one of the candidates? The _Enterprise_ was under your command at one point after all."

[Pike] "I might be but I honestly don't know as I'm not involved in the decision."

[Kaylee] "One last question before we have to let you go, Admiral. What can you tell us about the reporter claiming Commander Spock broke his equipment in what he insists on calling a 'fit of rage'?"

[Pike] "You do know he's Vulcan, right?"

[both reporters laugh]

[Fred] "That's what I keep saying! "

**Day 60**

"They gave me the _Enterprise_, with the unofficial mission of finding Jim. How about you reenlist and join us?" Pike asked as soon as he entered his office, where Winona Kirk was already waiting for him.

"Reenlist?" she repeated in a tone that clearly communicated she thought he was crazy, "You've got to be kidding me. Can't I just come aboard as a stowaway?"

Pike sighed, thinking Kirks were going to be the death of him, "I'm already up to my neck deep in trouble. Can't you spare me just this one? It shouldn't even be a problem, you're still listed as a reserve so they just need to switch you back to active service."

She rolled his eyes at him. "_Fine_." She conceded in a suffering tone.

"Red will look good on you."

"I hate you sometimes."

"Remember, I'm your commanding officer now."

"Not for a few more hours, _Admiral_." She saluted in possibly the most sarcastic way he'd ever seen before turning around and jogging away, no doubt to get all the paperwork done as fast as possible.

**Day 75**

Chekov was sweating buckets in the small enclosed space between a wall and a computer. He was supposed to have already reestablished communications with the _Enterprise_ but cracking the security system was proving more difficult than he had anticipated and he was already two minutes late. He hadn't anticipated the presence of a back-up system that needed to be deactivated at the same time as the main one to avoid alerting any guards to their intrusion or at least, to create a diversion that would give them some advantage. Sulu and his team were waiting on him to enter the building and sweep it in search of Kirk, and Chekov was working as fast as he could.

They had received intelligence from one of Pike's sources that Kirk could be held prisoner in a facility on an unnamed planetoid that apparently served as storage for Orion slave trafficking. They doubted the Orions were responsible for the kidnapping but it was possible that Kirk had somehow ended up in their hands. Upon scanning the facility they had realized it was surprisingly well guarded and Chekov had volunteered for the job he was now struggling to complete. Scotty had been able to beam him inside the facility and then Chekov had had to make his way to the lower level where he had found the computers that controlled the security system.

"Yes!" He quietly exulted when both systems finally shut down. He knew the _Enterprise_ would be able to detect he had accomplished his part of the mission, but he still needed to reestablish communications to be beamed back and to do that he needed to get out of that room because something was jamming his signal.

He exited the small room and found himself once again in the dimly lit corridor he had come from. On his right, just a few paces down, were the stairs that would lead him to the upper level where Scotty would be able to lock on him again. He started in that direction, phaser at the ready, but stopped when he heard footsteps coming down. He raised his arms and the Orion didn't even have time to react before Chekov stunned him, sending him rolling down the last few steps. Chekov ran towards the stairs then but stopped abruptly when he heard voices. Others were about to come down and their fallen comrade was going to alert them to the presence of an intruder. Chekov couldn't do anything about it so he turned the other way and started running towards the opposite end of the corridor.

It hadn't been his plan. The moment he had stepped down onto that level, he had taken a look at the maze of corridors and known that if he were somehow forced to go too deep into it there was a strong possibility it would be the end for him. He didn't really have a choice. He ran, trying to memorize which way he turned and hoping he would be able to find his way back. The corridors all looked the same, poorly lit, lined with what seemed like cells, weird noises and disgusting smells coming from most of them. When Chekov stopped to catch his breath and listen for noises from anyone who might be following him he had already lost count of the cells he had seen.

A raucous noise caught his attention and with his back pressed against the wall he turned his head both ways to identify the source. It seemed to be coming from one of the cells on the opposite wall, specifically from the one on the left. Carefully, he walked closer to peer inside. Out of the darkness a hand gripped one of the bars and Chekov could just barely make out a figure on the floor crawling towards him. When the figure managed to raise his head Chekov realized it was a human male. He was so thin his face looked hollow and when he opened his mouth again that raucous sound was the only thing that came out. Chekov flinched when he realized the man had no tongue and his eyes travelled upwards to meet the slave's gaze, brown eyes seemingly pleading with Chekov the way his words couldn't anymore.

Distant phaser fire broke Chekov out of his shock and he gripped his phaser tightly, moving once again. He turned a corner and came face to face with Sulu. For a second they both stood still, phasers pointed at each other, before realizing it was safe to draw their weapons down.

"What are you doing here?" Chekov asked, his heart pounding in his chest.

Sulu gestured him towards a different corridor and checked for threats before whispering, "I came to get you. You know the rule."

"Don't lose anybody. I know." Chekov nodded absently, then a thought occurred to him, "How long do you think we can keep that up? "

Sulu shot him a dark look, "That's a question I'd rather not know the answer to." He looked around once again, "I don't think there's another exit, which means we need to find our way back to those stairs."

"But we can't leave all these people here. And what if _Jim_ is in one of these cells?" he sincerely hoped he wasn't because from what he had seen the possibility didn't bode well for his Captain's health.

"What people? The slaves are all upstairs." Sulu asked bewildered, judging from the smell he had thought the cells were filled with corpses which eliminated Jim by default since they _knew_ he was alive.

"I think these are slaves that can't be sold anymore. We need to look and even if he isn't down here, we can't leave them."

"We can't free them either. The Orion Syndicate will come after us." Sulu objected.

"They will anyway after this. We might as well do something good while we're here." Chekov replied and when Sulu opened his mouth, Chekov didn't let him speak, "This is something we can _change_, Hikaru."

Sulu nodded, "We better get upstairs then, because we're going to need _a lot_ more help."

**Day 383**

McCoy took a minute to rub his tired eyes and heave a sigh as he waited for the turbolift to take him to the brig, where Admiral Pike had requested his assistance. He had taken care of the survivors, including Spock who was now in a healing trance and would be for at least a couple hours. It was strange how familiar McCoy had become with the process that he was now able to predict almost perfectly how long Spock's trance would last. He guessed it was par for the course, since Spock was probably the one who had shed more blood trying to find Jim than anyone else on the _Enterprise_. McCoy would have too and often wished he could, but his job was to keep everybody alive until they did find him.

When McCoy arrived to the brig, Pike was already in the middle of a heated discussion with their masked prisoner. One of the security officers had told McCoy that as much as they had tried they couldn't figure out how to pull that damn mask off.

"You can't keep me here! You need to let me go!" McCoy couldn't help but cringe at the jarring metal sound of the man's voice.

"And where exactly should I leave you?" Pike asked, his voice cold.

"I don't care! Any rock resembling a planet, as long as you let me off this ship! They'll find me anyway."

Pike shrugged, his stern nonchalance something McCoy had come to be familiar with, "So they can find you here."

The man paused, his eyes were hidden behind the visor of his mask but McCoy, who had silently came to stand just a step behind Pike, had the distinct feeling that they were onto him.

"You don't want them here." The man said in a low tone.

"And why is that? Does it have anything to do with the fact that you're pretending to be part of a Starfleet elite team I know for a fact doesn't exist?" Pike asked, his eyes intently fixed on the prisoner, ready to read even the smallest change in his posture.

The man emitted a weird sound, distorted by the mask, which McCoy thought sounded like a snort, "You don't know anything! I saved your First Officer, didn't I?"

Pike nodded and a small smirk appeared on his face, "You did and we'll talk about that among other things. I'm sure you know lots of things I might be interested in."

"I know nothing."

"I never mentioned he was my First Officer, so why don't we start with how you knew that? " Pike countered.

The man tensed but remained silent, Pike pressed on.

"How about James Kirk? He was supposed to be on that planet so where was he? And what did you have to do with it?"

The man was silent for a long moment before he said, "I have nothing to say."

"We'll just have to wait for your friends to arrive then. The more of you I have the more information I'll get. And I assure you, you _will_ tell me what I need to know."

The man stepped towards the screen separating them, "NO! They'll kill you!"

"Well, at least you've stopped pretending to be part of Starfleet." Pike pointed to McCoy. "My CMO is here to take your fingerprints and blood. Your DNA will start the talking for you."

Surprisingly, the man took off one of his gloves and held out his hand through the gap McCoy had opened without putting up a fight. The set of his shoulder was resigned, which surprised McCoy even more.

The med scanner in McCoy's hand scanned his prints and took a small sample of blood to analyze on the spot. It whirred for about a minute before beeping with a result.

"That's not possible." McCoy whispered incredulously.


	4. I Heard His Voice Today

**4**

**I Heard His Voice Today**

**Before Kirk's disappearance**

Kirk flipped open his communicator , "Scotty, is Spock with you already?"

"No, Captain. I haven't seen him." Came the engineer's voice and Kirk frowned.

"He was supposed to meet me a half hour ago and he's not answering his comm. I haven't known him long, but it's not like him."

"Definitely not." Scotty convened. He paused then and Kirk heard some muffled talking, "Uhura's here, sir, she's checking his schedule, give her a second."

A moment later Uhura said, "Jim, he was supposed to sub for a class but he didn't show up." By the tone of her voice and the use of his first name it was obvious she was concerned.

"Ok, we're officially worried now. I'll go check his quarters."

"Call us when you find him?"

"Of course."

After that Kirk tried not to run and maintain some kind of composure but it was hard. He had a nagging feeling that something was wrong and he couldn't help but quicken his pace to get to Spock's quarters faster. When Spock didn't answer his door Kirk was left with very few options, the fastest being hacking the door. It only took him a minute. Inside, he found Spock lying passed out on the floor. Kirk immediately knelt by him and started calling his name and patting his face to wake him up. When that didn't work he grabbed his communicator and called McCoy.

"Jim, I'm the middle of my shift. This better be imp-"

"Bones!" Kirk interrupted him, clearly agitated, "Spock's unconscious and I can't seem to wake him up. I don't know what happened but I need your help."

"Where are you?"

"In his quarters. He's breathing but I have no idea if his pulse is regular or not."

"Calm down. His heartbeat should be much faster than ours."

"It's fast."

"Good. Don't do anything, I'm on my way."

True to his words, McCoy arrived in less than three minutes in the company of another doctor.

"Jim, this is doctor M'Benga. He did his internship on Vulcan so I asked him to help."

Jim, who was still kneeling next to Spock, nodded in acknowledgment and gestured them both towards Spock. The two doctors got their tricorders out and started examining Spock.

"His vitals are in the norm." McCoy said, giving M'Benga a look that Jim didn't like.

"What is it, Bones?"

M'Benga answered for him, "He's in a healing trance."

"So he's hurt?" Jim asked.

"Not physically. "McCoy said, then he turned back to his colleague, "You think this is the same thing some of the other survivors are going through? "

"I'm sure it is." M'Benga confirmed.

"What are you talking about?" Jim asked, a little frustration slipping in his voice.

"You know Vulcans are a telepathic species, right?" McCoy started, to which Jim nodded and gestured to hurry him along, "Well, they have telepathic bonds with each other. Family mostly, but some say they have a general awareness of their entire race due to them being… sort of in sync with their planet?" McCoy finished uncertainly, once again turning to M'Benga for confirmation.

"Some of them do use – well, _did_ use – Vulcan as a focus point for their meditation, but I'm not sure how that ties in with the rest or if it's even really an issue. They don't usually share that kind of details with off-worlders, though that might have to change now."

Jim, who had steadily paled the longer he listened, was still very much confused, though rising horror had taken the place of his previous frustration with the two doctors, "Wait, are you saying… _what_ are you saying exactly? "

"That some of Spock's bonds were broken when Vulcan was destroyed." McCoy explained, "And that he might have experienced the loss on a wider scale than just his own."

"You mean a _planetary_ scale? You're telling me he sensed six_ billions_ people _dying_?!"

"That seems to be the case with the other survivors." M'Benga said.

Kirk closed his eyes and mentally cursed Nero for the umpteenth time. It was all the more clear now why Spock hadn't been so keen on giving him a fair trial and Kirk was glad they had made that decision.

"Can we move him? Should we take him to the hospital?" he asked.

McCoy nodded, "The healing trance is fine but I'd prefer to monitor him."

"He'll need to see a healer, too. There's not much we can do for that kind of damage." M'Benga said, then he went out of the room to call the ambulance they had arrived with and tell them to bring a gurney upstairs.

Once they were at the hospital Kirk refused to leave Spock's side until he woke up. He only exited the room to contact Uhura.

"I need to let Nyota know what's going on and tell Scotty he's gonna have to deal without me today."

McCoy gaped at him, "You're on a first name basis with Uhura? Since _when_? "

"A couple days?" Kirk replied as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Jim, what did you do? "

"Nothing! I mean, nothing _bad_."

"Oh my god, Jim! She's the hobgoblin's girlfriend!"

"What? No, no, no. First of all it's not what you're thinking, we just bonded, you know, like _friends_. And she's not his girlfriend anymore… or hasn't actually ever been? I'm not sure I understood her explanation, but I did get that they're just friends now. See? We're all friends. I tend to grow on people." He finished with an air of satisfaction as if it was a big accomplishment.

McCoy rolled his eyes and muttered, "Don't I know it. Like a fungus."

"Hey!" Kirk protested, "You were the one who attached himself to me!"

But McCoy was already walking away to attend to his other duties, secretly smiling at his friend's indignation.

**Day 383**

"That's not possible." McCoy whispered incredulously.

McCoy's gaze travelled from the scanner to the masked prisoner, his heart pounded in his chest and every fiber in him tensed. The man inclined his head and regarded the doctor for a moment, then with an almost imperceptible tremble to his hand he seemed to push a button under his ear and his mask inflated, allowing him to remove it.

McCoy's scanner falling to the floor and smashing into pieces was the only sound in the stunned silence.

"Hey, Bones."

The doctor didn't need anything else to launch himself at his friend and envelope him in a crushing hug. It was a good thing somebody, probably Pike, had been fast enough to drop the force field between them or McCoy would have smashed his face on it in his hurry to get to his friend. Jim stood unmoving in his arms for a few seconds before tentatively raising an arm to pat on McCoy's back.

"It's okay, Bones. I'm okay." Jim murmured reassuringly against McCoy's shoulder.

McCoy recoiled at those words and punched Jim in the arm.

"Ow! What are you doing?! "

"It's not okay, you idiot! You're a bastard! Why didn't you reveal yourself the second you stepped on that damn pad?! Are you out of your damn mind? "

"I was hoping to get away before any of you knew who I was."

"Why?! "

"Because if I stay here I'm gonna get everybody killed!"

"Who's gonna kill us? And why do you look like you're working for them? "

"Leonard!" Pike intervened, because feelings and adrenaline were getting the best of them and they needed to calm down.

McCoy heaved a deep breath and looked apologetic, "I'm sorry. You have no idea how happy I am to see you in one piece but I just don't understand."

Jim made a pained face, "I know."

They both turned to look at Pike and if his stern appearance had crumbled and his eyes looked a bit brighter than usual nobody mentioned it. "You should go tell Winona and bring her here." He told McCoy and Kirk's mouth dropped open.

"What?! What's my _mother_ doing here?" He grabbed McCoy's arm to stop him, "Nobody can know I'm here. And you need to let me go."

"Will you stop with that? " McCoy almost growled as he freed himself from Jim's grasp, "You're not going anywhere. I'll personally chain you to the wall if you insist on it."

"Shut up, both of you. Leonard, go get Winona. You," he pointed at Jim, "we need to talk."

McCoy left just as Jim started arguing back.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"I think there's plenty." Pike interrupted him, "Start with telling me who's going to kill us."

"I don't know their names, they didn't exactly introduce themselves to me." Kirk retorted bitterly.

"Son, you need to let me help you and I can't if you don't tell me what's going on." Pike told him earnestly, his hands reaching for Jim.

Kirk turned away from him, "Don't call me that."

Pike stepped closer to him and put his hands on Jim's shoulders, forcing him to look Pike in the eyes. Jim tensed but didn't move. "I know you've been alone for a long time, but you're not anymore. I'm here. We're all here. These people have sacrificed a lot to find you and they did because they respect you. They love you, Jim. You taught them not to give up and they didn't, so don't give up on them now."

Jim took a shaky breath before speaking, "They've got a tracker on me so they can always find me and beam me wherever they want."

"Why haven't they beamed you back yet? "

"Because they _know_ I'm here and they're waiting to see what I do."

"Why? "

"Because I'm just a lab rat to them."

"What do you mean? "

"They've tried to condition my mind but they failed, only they don't know it so this is like the ultimate test for them. If I escape and it looks like I did so of my own volition I might be able to keep up the charade, if I stay they're gonna know something's up and they'll kill all of us." Jim related in a dry, hurried tone.

"Is that why you've never escaped?" Pike asked, though if he hadn't been trying to process all that Jim's explanation implied he might have asked a less dumb question.

"Because they've threatened to kill pretty much everyone who's ever met me? Yes, that's quite the convincing argument if you ask me." Kirk's tone was sharp but there was an undertone of hurt that made alarm bells go off in Pike's head.

"Ok, the first thing we need to do is get that tracker out of you and destroy it so they can't find us."

"That won't stop them from coming after us. What then?"

"Then we fight back." Pike said, squeezing Jim's shoulders in what he hoped was an encouraging gesture before releasing him.

Jim opened his mouth to protest but whatever he was about to say died in his throat when the doors leading to the corridor outside slid open and Winona Kirk appeared standing there. She ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. He hugged her back, closing his eyes and letting himself be reminded of a safer time, when his mother's hugs could banish everything that was wrong with the world.

When they finally parted, silent tears where streaming down Winona's cheeks. She held his face in her hands, unable to let him go completely, "I was so scared. I thought I'd lost you." She whispered brokenly.

Jim looked at her. Her curly hair was pulled back in a tight low bun that made her look older, or maybe that was the new worry lines on her face. "Mom, what are you doing on the _Enterprise_? Wait, are you wearing a uniform?" he asked, taking a step back to look at her full figure, which was slimmer than the last time he had seen her.

She smiled and brushed a few tears away, "I had to reenlist to come aboard. It was either this or go berserk on Starfleet. They wanted to keep me in protective custody!"

Jim couldn't help a small smile at his mother's outraged tone, "You would have driven them crazy."

She beamed and when Jim looked over at Pike, he just shrugged, "I had to keep an eye on her."

"Shut up, Christopher. You're lucky I didn't punch you." Winona said, turning to glare at Pike.

"That's… not exactly how I remember it."

"Guys, as much as I'm enjoying this reunion, this is not exactly a good time." Jim intervened.

"Right. Leonard take Jim to sickbay, you need to remove a tracker they've put on him. I'll tell Uhura to put the ship on lockdown until we figure out what our next move should be."

**Before Kirk's disappearance**

When Spock woke up from his healing trance the first thing he saw was his captain sitting beside the bed, reading from a PADD, "Jim?" his voice was hoarse from lack of use. Kirk looked up at him, slightly surprised, but he immediately smiled.

"Good to see you awake. You had us all worried, you know? I'm not sure how long you've been out, but-"

"Approximately six hours and twenty seven minutes, Captain." Spock said, already back to his professional manners.

"Wow… you don't relax even when you're sick." Kirk commented, his eyebrows rising, "By the way, you can call me Jim whenever we're off duty or, you know, _about to die_ like on the Jellyfish."

Spock seemed to consider it then nodded as if it was perfectly acceptable. "I am not sick." He corrected.

"You're not fine either." Kirk countered.

"Fine has-"

"Variable definitions? So you've told me. Look, Spock, I'm not sure what happened, maybe you didn't realize there was something wrong or underestimated the problem, but that's not the issue. Just promise me you'll take care of yourself now and you'll let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

"That is acceptable."

"Good. Bones will be here any minute now. He's already arranged for a Vulcan healer to come see you, so you won't be stuck here long." He paused to check the time, "I need to leave now, Pike wanted to see me." He stood up and fixed Spock, "But I'll be back with a chessboard so you better prepare yourself!"

Spock frowned, "A chessboard? "

"A little bird told me you play chess and I happen to like the game. It will pass the time while you wait to be discharged."

"Who-" Spock started to ask but Kirk interrupted him.

"Can't give away my sources, Spock." He smiled as he reached the door, "I'll see you later."

**Day 383 **

After Jim told him his tracker was between his shoulder blades, Bones had made him get out of his suit and lay down on a biobed where he proceeded to inspect his back. Winona refused to leave him so she was there when Jim had to explain he had procured himself the scar on his back when trying to get his tracker out once. He did not mention the punishment he received for _that_ infraction and was silently thankful that was the only scar left on his body from his captivity. He could only imagine their reactions otherwise.

His mother held his hand the whole time, while McCoy administered a local anesthesia before getting the tracker out and destroying it. He then patched him up and used a skin regenerator on both the new scar and the old one.

As McCoy worked, Jim tried to remember the last time someone had touched him. Was it during that last dinner with his friends? Did Bones pat him on the back? Did he accidentally brush his arm against Spock's? Or had Uhura hugged him goodnight? When his mother squeezed his hand he suddenly remembered Uhura doing the same thing before they parted ways.

"I'm gonna get that suit of yours to the labs. If it resists phaser fire I'd like to be able to replicate this kind of technology." She said, though she was obviously reluctant to leave him.

"Be my guest." He said as he sat up on the bed. He let her kiss him on the cheek before leaving. McCoy was still busy giving him a full physical, grumbling to himself.

"I'm okay, Bones." Jim murmured reassuringly.

"No, you're not. Nothing about this is okay. You've lost weight, you have signs of multiple healed fractures," Jim flinched at that, "and I can't even begin to imagine what they did to you for that many bones to have been broken. And your blood pressure is too high!" He finished as if that was the worst of it all.

Jim couldn't help a small smile, half wondering if he wasn't just dreaming being back with his friend. "It's been a stressful…" he started saying, but then didn't know how to finish. Week? Month? Year? To him it had felt like ages, but how long it had really been he didn't know.

"Bones… how long have I been missing? "

"Three hundred and eighty-three days." Answered a monotone voice from the door and McCoy closed his eyes as if the mere words caused him pain.

Jim, who could have recognized that voice among hundreds, felt his heart sink and his head swim. He couldn't have said if it was because Spock was suddenly there or if it was the effort of processing that he had been missing for over a year.

He chanced a look at Spock, who was watching him intently. There was something in his eyes that Jim couldn't define but it hurt him to look at so he looked away.

"We can stop counting now." Winona said, reappearing behind Spock with a stack of clothes and a pair of boots clearly meant for Jim. "We're travelling as fast as we can to a safe location to buy us some time. Pike wants you on the bridge if you're up to it."

"Sure." He agreed, thinking that would save him from a conversation he wasn't ready to have. They left him alone to get dressed, but when he exited the private room he found only Spock waiting for him.

"I will escort you to the bridge." Spock supplied. Not that Jim needed escorting anywhere. He might have been missing for more than a year but he still had the schematics of the _Enterprise_ engraved in his brain.

Pike had obviously announced to the crew that Kirk had been found and as they walked silently to the turbolift a few crew members stopped them to tell Jim how happy they were to see he was alive and well. Jim thanked them and smiled, all the while doing his best not to look at Spock, whose eyes he still felt on himself.

When they reached the turbolift Spock finally spoke again, "Jim, I believe you saved me today-" he started but Kirk interrupted him.

"I just pushed the emergency button, Spock. I didn't do anything. I didn't expect them to beam me up with you either."

"It was fortunate they did." Spock said to which Jim frowned. He did not agree.

**Before Kirk's disappearance**

"Was my counterpart your source of information regarding the game of chess?" Spock asked as he moved his rook, his eyes travelling from the board to his Captain's face.

Kirk's mouth actually fell open in surprise, "You know about him?! He told me you couldn't be made aware of him! It's his fault I had to provoke you on the bridge!"

"He mislead you to reach a goal." Spock explained.

"You mean he _lied_ to me."

"I made the same objection to him. I believe he was trying to contain further alterations of our reality."

"And he thought we could work it out on our own. Together." Kirk said without looking at Spock. He paused and made his move on the board, "He wasn't wrong about that."

A moment later Spock called, "Check."

Kirk looked suspiciously at him, "Did you just use a distraction to trick me?"

"Of course not." Spock replied, his face impassible.

Kirk narrowed his eyes at him, "Sneaky Vulcans."


	5. It Was Dark and I Was Over

**5**

**It Was Dark and I Was Over**

**Day 137**

Spock's heart stopped while McCoy was trying to stop the hemorrhage in his left thigh. He was injured in multiple places but that was the worst of them and McCoy was working as fast as he could.

"We're losing him!" M'Benga shouted and started cardiac massage on Spock's lower left side, where the Vulcan's heart was located.

McCoy was finally able to stop the blood flow but Spock still wasn't responding and he tried not to calculate just how much blood the Vulcan had lost. They didn't exactly have the correct blood type for a transfusion. He moved to take M'Benga's place while the other doctor administered a stimulant to help start up Spock's heart again.

"You're not going anywhere until I say so, pointy!" McCoy muttered angrily as he tried to revive him. As if annoyed by McCoy's moniker, but really just reacting to the stimulant and the massage, Spock's heart started again, its fast beating allowing McCoy to sigh in relief.

While McCoy and M'Benga finished patching Spock up and made sure he was stable, noises from around the rest of Sickbay informed McCoy's trained ear on the state of the other patients. Steady beeps from the biobeds meant no one was crashing and the other doctors and nurses had the situation under control. Winona Kirk couldn't help a pained shout when Chapel reset her dislocated shoulder. She also had phaser burns that would need looking at but she didn't require McCoy's expertise for that. His next stop after Spock was going to be Sulu, who had lost consciousness after the shuttle he was piloting crashed and needed the swelling in his head to be monitored closely. Just as they had thought, the Orion Syndicate had come down hard on them in retaliation for freeing all those slaves and hadn't taken well the fact the crew of the _Enterprise_ had managed to screw up one of their arms deal, thanks to the information Pike had been able to weasel out of the Orion prisoners before giving them over to Starfleet.

Two security officers had died during this mission, officially breaking what the crew referred to as McCoy's rule: "Don't lose anybody." He had told Spock the first time they were beaming down to a planet looking for Jim, because he knew his friend would hate knowing people lost their lives to save him. After that it had sort of become a thing, something he would always tell to those who took part in a mission. It had been a foolish request since the start – he was keenly aware of that – and the longer it took them to find him, the less likely it was that they would all come out of it alive.

**Day 155**

He was sitting in his cell or at least, a cell that looked just like the one he had vacated… how many hours ago? He had no idea. It was dark, like always. There were no windows, just plain walls and a hard floor, and Jim had long ago lost his sense of time in that isolation. He had no way of knowing for how long he had been missing or how much time it had taken them to catch up to him in his desperate escape.

The mission had gone horribly wrong. They had sent them there to steal a piece of technology, but Kirk had no idea what it was for or even where exactly he was. The only thing he knew was that the other guy on his team had been blown up and Kirk had found himself standing alone in the middle of a deserted settlement, the fire from the explosion spreading to the surrounding forest. He didn't know how long he had watched the flames, mesmerized while his mind flew away to thoughts of his team, of Spock. Imagining them trying to stop the fire, make sure there were no trapped inhabitants because that was the kind of people they were. They wouldn't let death win if they could avoid it. But he was there alone and he waited for the feeling of his particles being dematerialized and rearranged anew but it didn't come.

Hope sparked in him. Maybe something had gone wrong, maybe they had lost his signal and had no way of beaming him back. That could give him time to find a way to contact Starfleet and warn them to protect his crew, his family. If he could hide himself long enough maybe they would even be able to rescue him.

He ran, barely managing not to be crushed by burning ruins. His lungs seemed to be on fire too, his mask apparently wasn't protection enough from the smoke, but he kept running, looking for a building he had identified earlier as a communication centre. Luckily the fire hadn't spread there yet but when he stepped inside there were dead bodies everywhere he looked, as if something had struck them all at the same moment, killing them on the spot.

He didn't stop, there was nothing he could do for them. Instead he went straight to the computers and found them down. He frantically looked around for tools and after finding what he needed he opened one of the consoles and started working on it feverishly. His mind was so absorbed in his work that he didn't notice the fire getting closer to the building, or the fact that he was sweating copiously and hadn't even taken the time to take his mask off.

When the machine finally came alive he couldn't help a cry of victory, but as his body was swept away by a transporter beam his voice echoed in the emptiness of his dark cell.

It was a long time before he heard the noise of something sliding open, but it wasn't the door of his cell. Instead a screen lit up on the wall in front of him and Jim realized the wall had slid open to reveal it. A man was watching him. He had dark hair and brown eyes, he was fit but not built, his face was slightly long but all in all nothing stood out about him. He looked perfectly normal, just a common man. The type people don't remember meeting on the street. But he was about to become Kirk's enemy.

"Hello, Mr. Kirk. How are you? "

"Go fuck yourself." Kirk spit.

The man inclined his head, his expression disapproving, "Well, that's not really the way to address me, don't you think? Not in your position. Not after what you did today."

Kirk tensed but stayed silent.

"You had been warned, Mr. Kirk, and yet you just _had_ to escape, didn't you? I didn't think you cared so little about the lives of your crew. And what about your mother? We could kill them all right now and it would be on you."

"Then you'd have no pull over me anymore and this would all be over." Kirk replied, faking a confidence he didn't feel.

"Oh, no it wouldn't. This is your problem, see? Your mind is small. You don't think. They could already be dead and you wouldn't have any way of knowing it. I could kill your mother or Spock or any other member of your crew and still have plenty of lives to hold on your head. It will never be over for you, Mr. Kirk."

"So you're here to threaten me? "

"No, I'm here to punish you."

"How?"

The man laughed, "First of all, let me demonstrate how you know absolutely nothing about what's going on. So much so that you didn't even see what was in front of your eyes during the last mission. We killed everyone on site before we beamed you there, yet you didn't stop to question it. We blew up your partner to see what you would do. To test if threats would be enough to hold you in check. Clearly you need some more convincing."

The frame was enlarged to show the room the man was in, grey and empty except for a chair occupied by a second man. Kirk couldn't see the second man's face but he could see his wrists were chained to the chair and even if his back was to Kirk, it was obvious he was wearing Starfleet's gold uniform.

"Do you recognize him?" the man asked, his hand fisting the blond curly hair and pulling, causing the prisoner to emit a muffled cry of pain and attracting Kirk's eyes to the gag that was preventing him from screaming louder.

"The youngest of your crew, your navigator, Mr. Chekov. I thought he would be an appropriate first victim of your selfish behavior." Powerless, Kirk watched the man raise a phaser to the prisoner's head and shoot. His head fell to the side, lifeless.

Kirk wasn't stupid. He hadn't shown him his face so the odds were Chekov was alive and well, but still, they had killed a man whose only fault was to look like Jim's friend. They had exterminated an entire village, possibly more, and blown up one of their 'resources' just to play a game with him. To test him. All those people had died because of _him_.

The man was still watching him and Kirk saw a smirk slowly forming on his face. Suddenly the screen went dark, plunging Jim back into darkness.

In an uncontrollable fit of rage he stood up and punched the wall, but the pain shooting up his arm from the broken bones couldn't match what he felt in that moment. With a sudden analytical coldness he considered smashing his head against the wall to kill himself. Would he be able to do enough damage before losing consciousness to make it impossible for them to heal him? He didn't know and a wave of nausea swept over him as if his own body was rebelling against the mere idea, his bond to life too strong to be broken.

He sat down in the dark, head resting on his knees, waiting. For what, he didn't know.

**Day 155**

Pike walked to Winona's quarters and hesitated briefly before requesting entrance. He hadn't seen her all day and he was sure he knew why but there wasn't much he could do to make her feel better. When the door slid open he entered anyway, hoping he could offer her some comfort.

She was sitting up in the bed with the blanket covering her but he could spot the black undershirt of her uniform, which made him wonder if she ever actually relaxed or if she was always ready to jump in action and fight. Given the circumstances and the fierceness he knew characterized her, it was probably the second option.

"McCoy told me he put you on sick leave. How are you holding up?"

Her sad eyes could have been answer enough. "He was worried about me but I'm okay." Tears welled up in her eyes and she sniffed, trying to hold them back. "I just… I thought we would have found him by now."

Pike nodded, "I know. So did I."

She looked down at her knees and whispered, "I've never missed one of his birthdays before." When she looked up again a tear slipped out, "And the worst part is I don't even know where he is or if he's-" she choked on the words, unable to finish the horrible thought.

Pike sat at the end of the bed, "He's alive. Spock is sure of it."

Winona took a deep breath to steady herself, "Do you think… that Spock would lie if he thought something happened to him? Or if he couldn't feel him anymore?"

Pike immediately shook his head, "He'd probably tell you that Vulcans don't lie, but aside from that, I don't think he'd be able to lie about it. I think that if he felt something bad happened to Jim we'd know it just by looking at him."

She gave him a weak smile, "I thought so too, but I was afraid it was just wishful thinking." She paused. "I never wanted to hold him back, you know?"

Pike frowned, "What are you talking about? "

"What you said about Jim not being happy. Scared to follow his dreams. I never meant for that to happen."

Pike sighed, "I didn't mean… You didn't hold him back. He just lost his way for a while, it happens to the best of us. It wasn't your fault."

Winona didn't look convinced.

"He was scared of what it would mean if he joined Starfleet. The responsibility it would put on him, the chance of failure. He might fool people into thinking he's self-centered and insensitive but he isn't. He cares about people, sometimes so much that he forgets to care about himself."

"That's not exactly a good thing." Winona objected.

Pike smiled, "Luckily he's got people who love him to take care of him."

"I guess that's the one thing I can't resent Starfleet for, huh? He's got more family now than just me." And this time her smile was more genuine.

**Day 383 **

When the turbolift opened on the bridge, Jim only took one step before welcoming applause and cheers broke out. Pike was right there next to him in an instant, a steadying hand on Jim's shoulder for which he was immensely grateful as it helped ground him. He managed to smile and wave vaguely around before being enveloped once again in a hug. Surprisingly, the first one to launch himself at Jim was Chekov and Jim hugged him back fiercely, relieved beyond words at the physical certainty that his friend was alive and in good health.

"I'm sorry it took us so long, Keptin." Chekov murmured.

"It's okay, Pavel. I'm fine." Jim said and the young navigator looked at him like he was trying to gauge how truthful his words were. It was a good thing Pavel wasn't a telepath like Spock, or Jim would have been in trouble and that was one more reason to keep his distance from the Vulcan.

Soon there was a line of people who wanted to properly greet him, with Uhura, Sulu and Scotty right behind Chekov, ready to hug him within an inch of his life.

When the enthusiasm quieted down Pike left Spock in charge and ushered Jim towards his ready room to talk. McCoy immediately followed them and they all sat around Pike's desk.

"You're gonna have to walk me through everything that has happened to you. I know it sounds overwhelming but every little detail can make a difference right now. For starters, do you have any idea who took you?" Pike asked.

Kirk shook his head, "I really don't. I didn't even know how long I had been missing until Spock told me."

Pike nodded sadly, "What happened the night they kidnapped you?"

Kirk took a deep breath and his gaze travelled away from Pike's face as he remembered that night, "I was ambushed in my quarters. They were there waiting for me. It think there were five of them and I tried to fight back but I just… didn't stand a chance. I don't even know exactly what did it but I lost consciousness and when I woke up I was on some kind of transport, but I was blindfolded so I can't tell you much more."

"We've been following the Orion Syndicate trafficking because we think they're involved with whoever took you, but this was the first time we caught up with them. They seem to always be one step ahead of us." Pike told him.

"We've had to sift through a lot of crap before finding this lead." McCoy intervened, "And there's still a lot we don't know because the Orions we captured didn't know much. We thought you were part of whatever criminal organization kidnapped you."

"We haven't been able to figure out why they took you either, to be honest. All ransom demands we received turned out to be false. We never got one from the real kidnappers."

"They didn't want money." Kirk shook his head, "I was a tool for them and they only got me because they thought I was weak. That's what one of the men who" _tortured me_ "dealt with me said."

McCoy interrupted him, "They sent five people to get you because they thought you were _weak_?"

"Not _physically_, but mentally. I don't think I'm the first one they 'recruited' by kidnapping them and threatening the people they care about. When threats don't work they go to phase two, which is what they call the part where they try to condition your mind."

"Which is a load of bullshit, right?" McCoy asked, "You said it didn't work on you."

Kirk's tormented gaze was enough to scare McCoy, "It's not. It actually works."

"So why didn't it work on you?" Pike asked.

"I'm not sure. Something went wrong. They did it person by person, basically trying to turn me against the people I care about."

Pike frowned, "How? "

"You have no idea the kind of technology they have."Kirk said and Pike thought back to his security officers' reports and the horrible deaths they had witnessed, "Anyway, when they got to… Spock, I don't know, it just didn't work. And after that it all crumbled to the ground, none of it worked anymore. I let them believe it did though, partially just to make them stop but also because I didn't want them to wonder why it didn't."

McCoy nodded, "Nothing good for you if they did."

Pike looked thoughtful for a moment, "Is it possible your bond to Spock made it impossible for your mind to be conditioned? "

"That's the only explanation I came up wi-" Kirk started saying, "wait, how do you know about that?"

"We all know about it." McCoy told him.

"_Why?_"

McCoy shook his head, "He just _had_ to tell us, Jim."

**Day 7**

"They're treating us like suspects! " McCoy was pacing around the room, incapable of reining in his frustration.

Spock was standing still, "It is logical to gather information from us, as we are the last people to have seen Jim before he was kidnapped." He reasoned.

McCoy turned on him, "Oh, really? If you're so logical shouldn't you be reciting statistics on how kidnapping cases go?"

If possible, Spock seemed to stand even more rigidly, "I have proof that he is alive."

"Then share with the class! You're not the only one who cares about him, Spock! "

Spock hesitated before speaking again and, surprisingly, it wasn't to contradict McCoy's statement that he cared, "Jim and I share a telepathic bond."

McCoy frowned, "Like the one your father had with your mother?" McCoy had been one of the first doctors to help the surviving Vulcans and assisted them while they took refuge on Earth before leaving for New Vulcan. In the process he had learnt about many things Vulcans used to keep private from other species.

Spock shook his head, "No, it is much different. It is like one two brothers or close friends might share."

"Can you communicate with him?" McCoy pressed on.

"I can not, but I am able to sense he is alive."

McCoy stilled, a spark of newfound hope lighting up in him, "Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure that you would feel it if he died?"

"One hundred percent." Spock confirmed.

McCoy took a deep breath, "Okay. Jim's alive." He recited almost to himself, holding on to this new certainty.

**Day 383**

"So he knew I was alive but nothing else?" Kirk asked.

McCoy nodded, "Only that you were still alive. Something tells me it was frustrating even for him."

"You said they considered you a tool." Pike intervened, "What did they use you for? "

"When they weren't experimenting on me they sent me on what they called 'missions' which mostly consisted of stealing something." By the look on his face, it was obvious Kirk was disgusted with the idea. "Technology, weapons… not that I ever really knew much about it, only what I was able to garner on sight."

"What kind of experiments?" McCoy asked in a worried tone.

Kirk shook his head. His hands were resting on the table in front of him and he closed them into fists to stop them from trembling, hoping the Doctor wouldn't notice. "Bones, I can't. Talk about this. Not now." His words were stilted and cost him a great effort as he was suddenly fighting off a wave of nausea. It wasn't new, just the not so fun side effects of their latest experiment, but he didn't have time to be sick. He needed to make sure his friends were safe, even if in that moment he had no idea how.

McCoy didn't miss the change in his friend's state and the way he subsequently gripped his head only made him worry more, "What is it, Jim? What's wrong?" he inquired, laying a hand on Kirk's shoulder.

"Nothing. It's just a headache."

"You need to rest." McCoy said, his tone broaching no arguments, "I shouldn't have let you stress yourself like this on top of everything you've already been through. I can give you something for the headache and then I'll take you to your quarters, okay?"

"There's no time to sleep!" Kirk protested.

"There's got to be, okay? You need to rest. Doctor's orders."

"Go get some rest, son. You're safe now." Pike encouraged him and Kirk had to wonder how long that would last.

**Day 384**

_It was dark and he couldn't see much around him but he saw his mother clearly. She was running towards him, tears staining her face._

_He raised his arms, phaser gripped tightly in his hands, and shot. She fell to the ground._

_It felt right._

_Then came McCoy, walking slowly with a smile on his face. He was happy to see him._

_Jim shot again and McCoy fell._

_Spock appeared out of nowhere. Jim lifted his arms again but stopped mid movement._

_It didn't make any sense._

_He hesitated._

_The shock of the electricity made him lose consciousness._

_It didn't last. Soon enough he was back in the darkness and Pike was greeting him with his arms wide open._

_Jim shot and Pike fell._

_Sulu fell right after and Chekov soon joined them._

_Spock appeared again and this time Jim knew what to do._

_A shot right to the head and Spock was gone._

Jim woke up panting and sweating. His head was killing him and he desperately needed some water. When he had laid down he had left the lights on, partially because he couldn't stand the idea of turning them off after spending so much time imprisoned in the dark but also because he wasn't sure that upon waking up he would even remember he _could_ turn them on.

He asked the computer for the time and realized he had slept less than three hours, but it was a new day according to ship time, which meant it was day three hundred and eighty four of his captivity. He said the words aloud to assimilate them, trying to get used to the idea. It didn't matter that his crew had found him, his imprisonment wasn't really over. It was a temporary reprieve. He knew they would come after him and the _Enterprise_. He wasn't their captain anymore but he still felt responsible for his crew's safety and if that meant he would have to sacrifice his life to save them, then he would do it.


	6. The Romanian Circus

The Romanian Circus is the name of a con mentioned in Leverage (s04e05 The Hot Potato Job).

**6**

**The Romanian Circus**

**Day 384**

Chekov found him sitting alone in one of the observation decks. Jim had been surprised to see it empty but had been thankful for the solitude. Watching the stars helped him feel calmer. It was almost a kind of meditation. Spock would probably approve, he thought ruefully.

"Keptin, are you okay?" Chekov asked as he sat next to him on the floor.

"I'm fine." He lied and the pulsing in his head seemed to intensify. McCoy's hypo hadn't done anything for the pain but Jim had expected that. "Just having some trouble sleeping."

Chekov nodded, "Me too." By the small smile that crossed the navigator's face, Kirk figured it was because of more cheerful thoughts than his. Chekov was probably just too happy they had found him to sleep.

Kirk watched his friend fiddle with the PADD in his hands, as if he was nervous about something. "You working on something?" he asked, gesturing towards the PADD.

Chekov shook his head, "No, it's nothing."

"So why did I see my name before the screen went dark?"

Chekov looked a bit embarrassed. "I archived all news regarding your disappearance in a folder with your name." Chekov confessed to Kirk's surprise. "I know it was probably pointless, but I kept thinking what if someone outside Starfleet found something actually important? It never happened though."

"Can I see?" he asked and Chekov handed him the PADD.

As he scrolled through the well organized archive, Kirk found himself thinking it would be a lot faster if Spock melded with him and just downloaded all the information in his brain, but Jim couldn't allow Spock to see and feel all he had been through during his captivity. More than anything he couldn't allow himself to feel that safe and that close to Spock ever again, or he was scared he wouldn't be able to let go of him and do what had to be done.

"It's stupid." Chekov said, breaking Jim out of his thoughts.

"I don't think it is." Kirk said and started browsing a few videos that were marked Starfleet. He turned the volume off and watched Bones punch a reporter in the mouth.

"Hikaru thought I was just torturing myself." Chekov said just as Kirk started to play a different video.

"People cope in different ways." Kirk started saying before tensing up, "What's that asshole doing there?! "

"Who?" Confused, Chekov looked closer at the screen just as Kirk turned the volume on and the interviewer's voice answered his question.

"Today we are joined by former Starfleet Commander Oscar Stevenson. Commander, it's a pleasure."

"Who is he?" Chekov asked, sensing there was much more behind that name than he could possibly imagine.

Kirk's words were lodged in his throat. _He's the one who killed a man just because he looked like you_.

**Day 384**

A few minutes later Kirk slammed Chekov's PADD down on the table in front of Pike, "This guy." He almost growled the words.

Pike played the video interview for a few seconds, "You know him?"

"He's one of the people who took me. Or at least he works for them." Kirk said and around the conference room where they had gathered the reactions varied from shock to anger as Chekov played the video on a bigger screen for them.

"I can't believe this." Pike muttered.

"Do you know anything about him?" Kirk asked and Spock immediately grabbed his own PADD.

"His records are sealed." He reported when his search failed, "A higher security clearance is required, Admiral."

"I don't need to access his records, Spock. I know him." Pike said, looking graver than usual. "He was dishonorably discharged from Starfleet."

"What for?" Chekov asked.

Pike briefly closed his eyes as if preparing himself. "He worked for Starfleet Intelligence. One of their most important duties is to monitor and report threats to the Federation so that we can intervene to prevent or at least contain the crisis." He paused, clearly hesitating "They failed to do that with Tarsus IV."

The entire room seemed to freeze at the words and Jim's eyes searched his mother, who was sitting at the table between Uhura and McCoy, face pale and tired.

"Stevenson was among the people blamed for our late intervention." Pike continued, "There were trials, some people were discharged, some demoted or reassigned, a few resigned out of conscience. It was an ugly mess. I haven't seen him since then."

"Are you saying the same people who are responsible for my son's death are the ones who kidnapped Jim?" Winona asked, some of her distress clear in her voice.

"Kodos is responsible for Sam's death not Starfleet." Jim objected quietly.

She shook her head, "Starfleet should have saved him. They should have stopped that massacre."

"If there was some kind of involvement internal to Starfleet Tamaro would have found out about it by now." Pike assured them, trying to steer the conversation away from a topic that had no right answer and no possible end.

"How do we know Tamaro isn't involved too?" Winona shot back.

"Because I've known her since the Academy and I'm sure of where her loyalties lie." Pike replied.

"Who's Tamaro?" Kirk asked, confused.

"Captain Tamaro works for Starfleet Intelligence and she was assigned the _Enterprise_ when it seemed we couldn't find you." Pike answered. "At least until your people stupidly decided to mutiny against her."

"Mutiny?!" Kirk instinctively turned to Spock, "And you didn't stop it?"

Spock quirked an eyebrow, "I initiated it."

"The plan was to use the _Enterprise_ to find you." Scotty intervened, and then he added proudly, "It was my idea."

Kirk gaped at him, "It was your idea to _steal_ a Starfleet vessel? Are you crazy?"

"It didn't feel like the right time to be law abiding citizens!" Scotty defended.

Sulu actually snorted, "You would have done the same thing."

"It did sound a lot like one of your ideas." McCoy agreed. Kirk could only stare in disbelief.

"You've been a bad influence on them." Pike commented drily.

They all seemed amused by the whole thing, except for maybe Pike, so Jim decided to drop it, feeling warmed at the thought of the lengths they were willing to go for him and relieved the tension in the room had lessened.

"So how did Tamaro take it?" Kirk asked Pike.

"Let's just say I'm lucky she's a friend. I managed to reassign her to Starfleet Intelligence with a promotion."

"She literally saved our asses a couple times with the info she gathered." McCoy added for Jim's benefit.

"She didn't deserve to be mutinied against." Uhura commented and even Winona had to agree, having only doubted her out of anger.

"She _really _didn't." Pike confirmed. He had never stopped glaring at them every time the topic of their mutiny had come up.

"You know," Scotty interjected, "this whole thing sounds a bit like a con."

Sulu frowned at him, "What do you mean? "

"I mean, what if they're trying to trick us into believing some part of Starfleet is involved into this just to distract us from seeing the real culprits? What if that guy was just brainwashed like they tried to do to Jim? "

"It is possible," Spock conceded, "but we have no proof to support this hypothesis."

"Actually, "Pike intervened, "there is something that might corroborate Mr. Scott's theory. Jim handed me a data card when he got on the _Enterprise_ that stated he was part of a secret section of Starfleet Intelligence. I knew it was a lie because that section did exist and it was dismantled eighteen years ago, but someone with a lower security clearance and no idea what it was might have believed it. Maybe I'm wrong but if some branch of Starfleet was involved you'd think they'd use a more solid cover-up."

Kirk closed his eyes and his head jerked slightly to the side. McCoy was about to ask if he was in pain because Kirk's expression was one he had never seen on his friend's face, but Jim beat him to it, "Even if it's all a ploy to make us believe Starfleet is involved it doesn't give us much to work with. We still don't know where they are. We're basically sitting ducks waiting for them to make a move." He looked up to see Spock and McCoy observing him intently.

"Are you okay?" McCoy asked.

"I'm fine." Kirk replied and he could see both Spock and McCoy were about to protest but lucky for him Pike started talking again.

"Was Stevenson the only one you ever saw?"

"No, I saw others, too, all Human. And the doctor, a male Reelan who patched me up every time I was hurt."

Pike frowned, "A Reelan? How did a Reelan get involved with this? "

"And how do I know he treated you correctly?" McCoy interrupted, "He could have messed you up!"

While Pike and McCoy were familiar with the alien species, others at the table seemed to be a bit confused which prompted Spock to pull up on the screen some information to refresh their memory.

"Reelans are a warp capable humanoid species from planet Reela. They were offered entrance in the Federation but chose not to join." He explained as they all looked at the image of a male Reelan on the screen. His skin was a very light grey, he had shoulder-length white hair that was typical of the species at any age and big amber eyes that stood out like burning coals. "Approximately fifty years ago their planet was devastated by a tectonics shift that decimated their population. The Federation offered help to the survivors but they declined."

"As far as we know they're a peaceful people who like to be left alone," Pike said, "do you think this Reelan could be a victim too? "

" I don't know anything for sure." Kirk admitted, feeling quite discouraged.

Pike put a comforting hand on Jim's arm before turning to Uhura, "We need to send a message to Tamaro. Tell her we found Jim and everything we know or think we know. We're going to need some help."

"You said they always seem to be one step ahead of you. How do you know they don't monitor all Starfleet's communications?" Kirk questioned.

"We don't." Uhura admitted, "But I've been working on my own encryption program and while I can't say absolutely that they won't be able to decipher it, it will at least be a new challenge."

"Buying us some time. Very good, lieutenant." Pike complimented her, "That's our priority now."

Uhura stood up and turned to Kirk, "Want to work on it with me?"

Kirk didn't expect that but he gladly accepted, wanting to escape further questioning from McCoy.

**Day 256**

Kirk groaned in pain as two guards laid him down on a biobed and strapped his calves and wrists to it so he couldn't move. Not that there was any chance of that after the flogging he had just received. He was bleeding, his legs felt like jelly and he didn't even want to imagine what his back looked like in that moment. As he drifted in and out of consciousness he heard noises around him and for one blissful moment of incoherence he thought Bones had arrived to take care of him.

He screamed when something cool touched the gashes on his back.

"Pain is your punishment, Mr. Kirk." A voice said. It was the Reelan doctor Kirk had already been brought to multiple times. He had a weird accent that made all his _s_ sound like _ch_ and Kirk had wondered if all Reelans talked like that when speaking Standard or if it was just this one. "Maybe you should stop breaking the rules."

The whirring sound of a machine filled the air and Kirk could feel the prickle of his skin cells regenerating, the pulsing of his blood being redirected inside the body.

"We will leave the scar you procured yourself as a reminder." The doctor said and that was the last thing Kirk heard before surrendering himself to the darkness.

**Day 384**

"You obviously don't need my help." Kirk observed as he sat next to Uhura in one of the communications lab.

"No, I've got it all setup. I just have to write the message and run the encryption program." She eyed him. "But you looked like you needed a break. Actually you look like you need a hug."

Kirk scoffed, "I've been hugged plenty."

"And yet you're still holding back." Uhura casually replied.

Kirk chose to ignore the remark and changed the subject, "If this is an encryption you devised yourself and you've kept it secret, how's Starfleet going to decode it? "

"Well, there's one person I know will manage that." Uhura shot him a conniving glance.

Kirk looked confused for a moment, "Gaila! " he said and Uhura smiled, "How is she doing? "

"She's as good as new and back to work. She wanted to come with us when you disappeared but she was still in the hospital." Uhura shrugged, "Maybe it was better this way. It's good knowing there's people we absolutely trust backing us up."

Kirk nodded.

"Spock helped me figure out some parts of the code." Uhura continued as she entered the message, "I think he got the inspiration from the subroutine you used to beat his test. Go figure."

Kirk couldn't help laughing, "He's a sore loser."

Uhura grinned, "Can you blame him? I don't think he ever lost a mind game before he met you."

Kirk smiled but it turned bitter.

Uhura stopped working and turned to look him in the eyes. "It's over, Jim. You're with us now and together we'll find a way out of this mess. You don't have to hold back."

Kirk shook his head, "You don't understand."

Uhura reached for his hand and he let her take it, "Then _tell me_ what I need to understand."

"It doesn't feel like it's over because it's _not_, Uhura."

"Okay, maybe it isn't over but you're not alone anymore. And don't tell me you've ever given up or lost hope we were coming to rescue you."

When he just stared silently at her she knew she had him.

A satisfied smile blossomed on her face, "I knew it. So stop acting like you've given up because I don't buy it."

Kirk nodded reluctantly, "Fine." While Uhura got back to work, he asked, "How did you find me anyway? "

"We've been following the Orion Syndicate trafficking. At first we thought they were the ones who kidnapped you. Then we found out they weren't the ones stealing the weapons that lead us to them, they were just reselling them, which made us realize they had to be working with whoever took you."

"Wait, how did all that connect with me?"

"We found your blood on one of the vessels used to transport some of the stolen weapons. We checked every inch of that ship and then every location it had been to, but we couldn't find you. We knew we had to follow this string of thefts, though, in hopes of capturing someone that knew where you were. We couldn't imagine they would use you like that." She shook her head in a dismayed way, "Do you remember being transported anywhere?"

"No, they were very careful. I was either sedated or blindfolded. I don't even know where I was when you found me. They just beamed me there." Kirk admitted, his voice betraying his frustration.

"You were on Betazed." Uhura told him and Kirk's eyes widened.

"Betazed?" he repeated, clearly shocked, "When I saw the guards I thought maybe I was on Earth."

"If you didn't notice their eyes it's an understandable mistake."

"But then I saw Spock… and I thought, it can't be." Kirk paused, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

Uhura's voice broke him out of it. "It wasn't the first time we followed them on Betazed, only this time we got there in time."

"Do you have a list of places they stole from that I could look at?" Kirk asked.

She nodded immediately, "Of course." She pulled out a PADD from a drawer and quickly downloaded the list on it, handing it to Jim when she was done. "What are you thinking?"

Kirk shrugged, "Nothing yet, but maybe this will give me a starting point."

They were quiet for a while as Uhura finished the message and sent it to Gaila. Kirk passed the time scrolling down the list of locations and relative stolen items. Once she was done, Uhura turned back to him.

"About Spock… you should talk to him. I can only imagine what you've been through but he's suffered a lot too and you avoiding him like that is hurting him even more."

"I wasn't avoiding him…" he started saying, but stopped when Uhura gave him a look that said he wasn't fooling her.

"Your nose is bleeding!" Uhura exclaimed, a worried frown replacing everything else. Kirk instinctively reached up to check and when he looked, there was blood on his fingers.

"It's okay, I'm sure it's nothing. Probably just the stress." He minimized.

"Did McCoy have time for a full physical?" Uhura asked, obviously unconvinced.

"Yeah, " Kirk lied, "I'm fine. He said I have high blood pressure, maybe it's related. I haven't been very relaxed lately." He said with a smirk and this time Uhura gave him a small smile in return.

"Maybe you should get some rest, then."

"I guess I could go for a nap before Bones resorts to sedating me." He agreed standing up and leaving to reach his quarters.

When he got to the turbolift he was still reading from the PADD Uhura had given him so he didn't notice Spock approaching until he entered the turbolift right after him. Kirk tensed immediately, a feeling that only increased when Spock stopped the turbolift from moving.

"An ambush, Spock, really? That's not a tactic I can appreciate these days." When Spock took one step towards him, Jim warned him, "Don't touch me."

Spock froze, "I do not understand. You appear to be upset with me but I do not know the reason and I cannot surmise anything from our bond."

Kirk frowned, "You said you wouldn't be able to read my mind anyway."

Spock nodded, "It is true but you may remember we were both able to sense the other's general state of mind, which I cannot do now. I believed it was a matter of distance but I realize now that you are blocking our connection."

"I didn't even know I could do that." Kirk muttered. When they had chosen to let the bond grow Jim had been so filled with happiness at the realization they could trust each other in such a profound way that it hadn't even crossed his mind to ask Spock if it could be blocked.

"It is unconscious? Why?"

"Why?!" it was like that question had broken a dam and his desperation flooded out with his words, "Because my mind is a fucking nightmare right now, Spock! You should be thankful you don't get a window into it."

"Is that the reason of your distant behavior?" Spock asked, apparently unfazed by his outburst.

Jim closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again they were filled with sadness, "I can't stand to look at you and see everything I've lost, knowing I'm going to lose it again any moment." He confessed in a quiet tone.

A look of comprehension crossed Spock's features, "You never lost me. You never lost your crew or your family."

"Haven't I?" Kirk retorted, his voice edging into the same desperate tone as before, "Because per your counting I've lost over a _year_ of my life! And I know you're all happy you found me, but I can't be because if there's one thing they tried to beat into me is that somebody's going to get _punished_." He spit the last word as if it tasted bad in his mouth.

Spock took one more step towards him, overcome with the need to comfort his friend in a way he had rarely experienced. Jim pulled away, his back hitting the wall of the turbolift.

"I said don't touch me. You're a freaking touch telepath and I don't want you to feel…" he closed his eyes, unable to finish his sentence.

Spock refrained from reaching out to Jim, letting his words do it for him, "Jim, you are my t'hy'la and my Captain, let me share your burdens."

"I'm not anybody's captain." He objected weakly and this time he tasted the blood on his lips. Suddenly he didn't feel his legs anymore, as if they were being swept away from under him.

Spock barely managed to catch him before he hit his head falling to the floor.


	7. If I Lose Myself Tonight

**7**

**If I Lose Myself Tonight**

**Day 384**

McCoy exited the room where Jim was resting and held up his hands to stop the questions. He sighed, looking at Pike and Winona, "He's okay." He reassured first, a tactic that hadn't worked on Spock, who had refused to leave until he knew exactly what was wrong, following McCoy during the whole exam and effectively driving him crazy. He was immensely grateful Pike had sent him back to the bridge.

"What happened?" Winona asked with sad eyes that begged not to receive any more bad news. McCoy's heart went out to her, the woman hadn't had the easiest life.

"They inserted a piece of biotechnology in him as an experiment," He explained. "Right here, at the base of his neck." He used two fingers to point at the spot on his own neck. "It's connected to his brain and it's like a computer, it runs statistics and scenarios for him." _Like having a mini-you constantly in his brain, _he had told Spock, _I'm surprised he didn't go nuts._ "It was apparently supposed to be an enhancement for when he was sent on _missions_."

"Oh my god." Winona brought her hands to her mouth in horror.

"Can you remove it?" Pike asked.

"I can and since it's pretty recent I'm optimistic that there won't be any lasting side effects."

"Can I go see him now?" Winona pleaded and McCoy nodded his agreement.

"He's awake but don't let him stress himself," he recommended before turning back to Pike, who waited until Winona closed the door behind her to speak again.

"What were the side effects? "

McCoy sighed, "Headaches, nosebleeds, vertigo. I'm pretty sure the irregular blood pressure is to blame on that." He hesitated, "He said it's been affecting his sight, too. Loss of colors mostly. 'My world's turning grey' he said." McCoy's fists balled up in anger. "If I get my hands on these bastards…"

"We'll make them pay." Pike assured, "How long has he had it inside? "

"He can't tell for sure, but he said it was the first time they sent him anywhere after implanting it. I'm thinking a week, ten days tops judging by the scan of the tissue around it." McCoy looked down. "It would be out already if I hadn't missed it yesterday. I should have insisted he stayed in Sickbay for a full physical. What the hell was I thinking?!"

Pike stopped him right there, "You were thinking that you hadn't seen your best friend in over a year and you were happy you had him back. We all were. You didn't do anything wrong. He's going to be fine. He's in the best hands now."

McCoy pursed his lips but nodded, "Then I better go do my job."

Winona, against McCoy's advice, insisted she wanted to follow the operation. Uhura found her in front of the observation window of one of the operating rooms. She was biting her lower lip, a nervous habit Uhura had noticed on more than one occasion, as she watched Jim laid face down on the operating table while McCoy used a laser scalpel to make an incision on the back of his neck. Winona had never been squeamish but she resisted only a few seconds before hiding her face in her hands. Uhura stepped closer to comfort her and Winona gratefully accepted her hug.

"I thought I could do it but…" she started saying.

"Just close your eyes and listen." Uhura said.

Beep, beep, beep.

The sound of a steady heart.

**Day 385**

Gaila threw her hands up in the air in a gesture of triumph, at the same time relieving some of the pain in her back from sitting for over twelve hours at the terminal she was working at.

"I've got it! " she told the almost empty room, the only other person in the lab was a male ensign who barely looked up before going back to whatever he was working on. Gaila shrugged, it wasn't like she could share anything anyway. She read Uhura's message as fast as she could, a huge grin splitting her face. Once she was done, she downloaded it onto her PADD, deleted all traces from the terminal and ran out of there like the room was on fire.

She loved delivering good news.

**Before Kirk's disappearance**

"So how is it going with healer Tenek? Are you feeling better?" Kirk asked while they walked the corridors of the _Enterprise_ to check on the state of the repairs.

"I am adequate. Our sessions have terminated." Spock replied. He had stopped questioning Kirk's investment in his health, instead learning to accept it and even welcome it as a sign of the friendship they were building. In that same spirit, he decided to share more details than he normally would have, "He believes I would benefit from telepathic contact with other minds and suggested I meld with my father."

Kirk looked up at him with a perplexed expression on his face, "Like that info dump the other Spock did on me?" Maybe it was just him, but he couldn't imagine how _that_ could help Spock.

"The procedure is much the same but in this case the result would be a reciprocal exchange."

"So you're going to do it?"

"I have never melded with my father." That sentence alone was enough to make alarms go off in Kirk's head. It was clearly one of those topics to be handled only with a ten-foot pole.

"Does it have to be someone telepathic?" Kirk asked, opting to steer clear of the daddy issues for now.

"Not necessarily." A part of Spock, a very human part, thought of his mother and regretted having only melded with her when he was a child.

"Maybe you could try melding with me?" Kirk proposed casually and Spock stopped in his tracks to stare at him. "I feel like I just broke some _huge_ Vulcan etiquette rule with you staring at me like that."

"You did not," Spock said. He paused to consider the fact that Vulcans usually meld only with members of their family or close friends, something that Spock had never really experienced due to the way he had been ostracized. "Do you realize what you are offering?" he inquired.

"Access to my mind? The risk is all yours," Kirk said smiling, but Spock was unimpressed by his attempt at humor and Jim sobered up. "I know, Spock. Look, if you're up to it we could try and see if it really helps you. If it doesn't, you can always go to your father."

"That would be acceptable. Thank you, Jim," Spock agreed and Jim smiled brightly at him.

**Day 386**

Spock was awoken by the door to his quarters sliding open without his consent and the lights being turned on to twenty percent. Spock was not entirely surprised to see Jim standing there, wearing a grey Starfleet issued pajamas that made his thinner frame even more evident since he couldn't fill it out.

"I hacked your door," he explained needlessly.

"You are very adept at that," Spock commented, remembering when Jim had done the same thing only to find Spock collapsed on the floor.

"I've got my eyesight back full force, bright colors and all," Jim informed him, then swayed a bit as if unsteady on his feet. Spock stood up from the bed and was at his side in an instant. "I wasn't supposed to get out of bed though."

Observing him, Spock judged he was lucid enough, if perhaps a bit sleepy."You can lie down on my bed if you wish."

"I wanted to see you," Jim said and Spock did not mind the apparent non sequitur. He especially didn't mind the fact that Jim was finally looking straight at him, instead of constantly avoiding his gaze as he had been. Spock realized now how unnatural that had felt for them.

"You are always welcome here."

"Bones is going to have a fit if he finds out I'm gone."

"I will inform him that you are here and assure him he will be alerted promptly should you need his assistance."

"You do that, I'm just going to…" Jim gestured towards Spock's bed. He laid down on it, careful not to take up all the space while Spock sent a message to McCoy.

"Don't just stand there. It's your bed after all," Jim said when Spock came back, patting the empty side of the bed. Spock quirked an eyebrow. It was new and quite unexpected as they had shared a lot between them but never a bed. He did not find a reason to object, though, so he laid down next to Jim.

"Do you require anything?" Spock asked.

Jim shook his head lightly, eyes now firmly on the ceiling, "I'm sorry I blew up at you like that the other day."

"It is of no consequence. I did not expect you to be unaffected by your captivity."

Jim made a face, pursed lips and raised eyebrows, which seemed to reluctantly agree with Spock's assessment.

They fell silent, and when Jim spoke again it was with obvious pain in his voice, "They thought I was breakable. I guess I let them believe I really was, pretending their conditioning had worked."

"They clearly did not know you if they thought you were breakable." It was said in all seriousness but Jim thought he heard an almost sarcastic note in Spock's tone that made him grin, thinking of the early hours of their acquaintance.

"I missed you." He turned on his side, settling himself so that his forehead was resting against Spock's shoulder. It wasn't skin to skin contact so Spock couldn't gather anything from the touch but it was more than Jim had allowed between them since his return and Spock was grateful for it. His friend's distance had left Spock more unhinged than his absence and with that small touch Spock felt like something slid back into place.

As he listened to Jim's breaths even out in sleep, he let himself relax. Jim was safe and everything Spock needed to rest peacefully was right beside him.

**Before Kirk's disappearance**

_Amanda touching Spock's face, "You will always have a proud mother."Amanda falling into oblivion. Suffocating grief._

_Sam's funeral. A closed casket on a disrespectfully sunny day. Winona sitting on the kitchen floor, sobbing when she thought Jim was asleep. George's photograph, an absence impossible to fill._

_Being shunned and taunted by his peers. Loneliness. _

_Loneliness when his mother had to be off planet for work. Acting up to pretend the feeling wasn't there. Somewhere along the way it became easier to pretend a lot of feelings weren't there. Failure. Disappointment in himself. Fear._

"_I married her because I loved her." So many contradictory emotions. Anger, relief, regret, acceptance. Emotional compromise. True. Yet those feelings, those weaknesses, were reason enough to keep going, an unexpected source of strength._

"_Where you came from… did I know my father?" He had asked the other Spock. "... Yes. You often spoke of him as your inspiration for joining Starfleet." That didn't change much after all._

_Pike. "I dare you to do better." Better than what I was doing back then more than anything else._

"_You two make a swell team." Prank. Negative. Truth._

_Eyes searching for the other. Reluctance. Trust. Unexpected. _

_Long awaited._

_Minds united. Friend._

"Perhaps this was not a good idea," Spock said as he relinquished their telepathic contact. Jim frowned as he readjusted, it was an intense experience every time, though it had never been as overwhelming as on Delta Vega.

"Why? I thought it went pretty well, like the other times."

"Precisely."

"Spock, I'm not in your head anymore, you need to elaborate."

"Our minds are very much attuned and, despite our brief contact, my mind sought to create a bond with yours."

Jim blinked, absorbing the information. "What would that be like? Would you be able to read my mind constantly? 'Cause I don't recommend that."

Spock shook his head, "A natural bond that forms this way only allows for mutual awareness unless there's contact through touch."

"It doesn't sound so bad," Jim paused, "but you don't want it?"

Spock hesitated.

"I won't be offended," Jim said.

"I have never had such a bond with someone outside my family. It is a rare occurrence and therefore cherished," Spock admitted.

"I'm interpreting that as a yes." Jim smiled when Spock didn't contradict him. "I'd be honored, Spock."

**Day 387**

When Jim woke up the lights were on and Spock was still next to him, only he was now sitting up and reading from a PADD. "How long was I out?" he asked, voice thick with sleep.

"Approximately fourteen hours."

"What?!" He couldn't believe he had slept that long, but he did feel rested like he hadn't in a long time.

"Doctor McCoy was here four times to check on you and he seemed satisfied with your recovery. He recommended I do not wake you unless absolutely necessary." Spock put the PADD down on his bedside table. Jim sat up, stretched out his back a little and turned to look at Spock. There was no escaping him now, he knew that.

"Did he say if I'm allowed to eat? Because I'm starving," he said, suddenly realizing it was true. He had eaten something while in Sickbay but mostly just to please his mother and Bones. He hadn't really had any genuine appetite, but now his stomach was positively growling. Whatever meds Bones had given him were clearly working, because he couldn't remember the last time he felt so healthy.

Spock informed him his diet had been limited to a short list of foods while he readjusted to a normal alimentation. He had eaten rarely and badly during his imprisonment so he chose not to object to Bones' restrictions. He didn't want to risk feeling sick over something so stupid and happily devoured his vegetable soup with some bread. It was simple, but it was the first food he enjoyed eating in over a year.

Spock joined him, getting his own bowl of soup. Jim let himself enjoy the normal moment, choosing to not think about what would happen next at least for a while.

"Jim," Spock started while he took care of their plates. "I do not need your protection."

Jim sighed resignedly, Spock had never been one to beat around the bush. "It's not a matter of protecting you, Spock. I don't exactly want to comb through every moment of the past year and relive it, much less inflict the whole thing on you. Why would I do that to anybody?"

"I am not anybody," Spock objected quietly. Jim knew that. He had known the moment their bond was created that his friendship with Spock had changed something fundamental in his life, had changed _him_.

"Give me one good reason why we should do it."

Spock could have given him many reasons. He could have said that with Jim blocking their bond Spock felt like he was still missing. That melding with Jim would have given Spock the same comfort the rest of the crew had received through physical touch. That Spock was willing to share his pain to make it more bearable. And that he simply needed to know, because somebody _was_ going to get punished and it wasn't going to be Jim. Spock would make sure of that.

He didn't think any of those reasons would convince Jim, though, so he simply said, "You said you spent a significant amount of time sedated or isolated which rendered you highly disoriented. Through the meld we might be able to notice useful details that are currently escaping your conscious mind."

Jim narrowed his eyes at him, "Why do I feel like you're being your sneaky self?"

"I do not know what you mean."

"Of course you don't," Jim said, a small smile on his lips. "Fine, let's do this." He stood up and let Spock touch the meld points on his face.

_The first thing they saw was complete darkness. My cell, came Jim's voice in the ethereal space where their minds met. Dark and silent. Jim touching every surface with his hands, finding nothing, measuring its borders with his steps. Seven steps in one direction, three in the other. Seven, three. Seven, three._

_A panel slid open revealing the screen where Kirk had watched a fake Chekov being killed by the man he now knew was named Stevenson. Darkness. Thinking of smashing his head and killing himself. Can't. Can't. Can't. Spock's mind rebelled in unison with his._

_Darkness. Entering his quarters and finding five masked intruders waiting for him. Fighting with all he had, afraid they were going to kill him. Losing._

_Screaming under the beatings, blood pooling on the ground. Losing his breath to the punishing jolts of electricity that coursed through his body._

_The Reelan injecting him with something. Strapped to a biobed, in and out of consciousness while his body felt like it was burning from the inside. Then, just when he thought the end was near, the Reelan injected something else in his arm that made the burning stop. Jim lost consciousness again, too weak to stay awake and find out if he was going to survive._

_The Reelan connecting him to a weird machine that conditioned his brain into hating all the people he loved. Being electrocuted every time his mind rebelled. The glint in the Reelan's eyes the first time Jim shot Spock in the simulation. The smile that revealed awfully pointed teeth that reminded Jim of a shark._

_Pike falling on the ground. Winona dead._

_Raising his arms and shooting Spock. Doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense. Pain. Punishment._

_Spock's horror grew impossible to ignore and Jim reached out to erase it. _

_Please forgive me._

_You have nothing to be forgiven for._

_I didn't want you to see._

_Spock's horror retreated, leaving way to a warmth that enveloped Jim's consciousness, protecting it from the painful memories. Jim felt like he was floating in a bubble filled with light._

_He felt something else in that cocoon, too, something Jim recognized in himself but was afraid to name._

_Friendbrotherlover_

_Jim smiling at Spock during the last dinner before their missed departure. His bright eyes always looking for Spock. The contentment running through their bond._

Jim grabbed Spock's wrist and broke the meld. He was breathless and Spock was so close that he almost gave up all restraint and closed that gap. His eyes lingered on Spock's lips for a moment before he tore them away.

"You said t'hy'la meant friend and brother. You never mentioned the other meaning," Jim whispered, taking a step back and releasing Spock.

"It was not relevant at the time," Spock's voice was low and thick, and it ignited something in Jim that he had almost forgotten.

"So when did it become relevant? "

"Technically it did not."

"_Technically_ you want it to be, so that makes it relevant."

"As do you," Spock gently retorted, having felt his feelings reciprocated during the meld.

Jim's shoulders sagged, he knew he couldn't hide during a meld, "You felt it. You know you're the only thing that kept me sane. Our bond… _saved_ me. If it hadn't been there…" a shiver ran through him as he admitted the horrible truth, "I would have probably killed you on sight. It saved both of us."

"I have always cherished it, but I have been especially grateful for it when you disappeared," Spock admitted.

"What if I'm not the same man I was a year ago?" Kirk finally asked, confessing one of is worst fears ever since he had been reunited with the people he loved.

"Your soul is the same," was Spock's simple, definitive answer.

A lump formed in Jim's throat, but he smiled, overcome with relief and love. He stepped closer, unable to resist the pull he felt. Spock's eyes were on him and by looking at him he knew his intentions were clear through the bond. Jim closed his eyes, feeling their breaths mingling.

That was when the red alert started blasting its sirens.


	8. This Is Not the End

**8**

**This Is Not The End**

**Day 387**

An alarm started blinking red at Sulu's station. He turned to Pike, "Admiral, the system reports an intrusion in the brig."

"And in the transporter room," Chekov added as the red alert alarm came on, "and in the mess hall."

Pike rose from the chair, "How many?"

"Seven in the brig, five in the transporter room and ten in the mess." Sulu reported.

"How did twenty-two people just beam aboard my ship?" Pike asked, anger mixed to incredulity in his voice, just as Kirk and Spock arrived running on the bridge.

"How did they find us?" was the first thing out of Kirk's mouth.

"I'm trying to figure it out." Chekov muttered darkly.

"Admiral, we should go to warp. They may have trackers like Jim did." Spock suggested and Pike immediately ordered Sulu to do so. Chekov said something in Russian that, judging by Uhura's look, was mostly comprised of swear words.

"There is a virus. It's tracking all our destinations!" Chekov reported.

"How did a virus infect our system?" Spock inquired.

"That damn data card." Pike realized, dismayed.

"They've been tracking us this whole time." Kirk turned to look at Spock, "Why wait until now?"

"I do not know." Spock said, then he asked Uhura, "Were our communications compromised?"

"I'm running a scan, but I don't think so."

"Jim! Where are you going?" Pike called after Kirk, who was entering the turbolift. Spock rushed to follow him and made it just in time.

"Jim," he said while the turbolift descended towards the brig, "You are not thinking clearly."

"You don't know what I'm thinking."

"You think your sacrifice is necessary." Spock replied, effectively proving him wrong.

"You know that thing they put in my head? " Jim's voice had a hint of desperation that made Spock hate whoever put it there, "I've seen every possible scenario and in each of them people I care about die. If this is the only way, then you need to let me go, Spock."

"It seems unfair that you would ask me to do what you were not able to do yourself." Spock retorted.

"That was different." Jim said, and despite his protest Spock knew his words had hit home, "You were bleeding out! I couldn't leave you to die. Listen, they said as long as I did what they wanted, you would all be safe. If they're here to get me back, I'll go. It will buy you time to find and capture them, but as long as I'm on board you're in danger.

"_They_ do not exist." The doors of the turbolift slid open, but they both ignored it. Jim was too shocked.

"What are you talking about? "

"In the mind meld I noticed your captors exhibited the same ticks you manifested." Spock explained, "Doctor McCoy said they were caused by the piece of biotechnology you were implanted with. It is reasonable to assume they too were subjects to the same experiments."

"It was the Reelan." Kirk realized with horror.

"I believe so."

"I couldn't figure out what a group of humans would need a Reelan for. They didn't. He used them all just like he used me." He paused, then in a quieter tone, "I didn't even remember some of the things you saw in the meld."

"I am not surprised, considering the treatment you received."

In that moment Winona ran past the open doors of the turbolift, holding a bat. Both Jim and Spock followed her until she got to the end of the corridor and stopped. She turned, signaling for them to be silent. She waited, poised to strike. Her target, a man masked in the same way Jim had been, appeared soon after. Jim barely saw him before his mother attacked. She delivered a hit to abdomen first, then to the head. He fell to the ground unconscious.

"Are you really taking people out with a bat?" Jim asked and she turned around, a smirk playing on her lips.

"Stunning them doesn't work but _this_ does."

In that moment, three more security officers approached. They were all holding bats just like Winona. McCoy was also with them.

"I'm picking up your victims." The doctor told Winona, who just gave him a thumb up.

"Seventeen down, five more to go, ma'am." One of the security officers informed her.

"Make that four," McCoy corrected him, "Scotty knocked one out when he tried to get into Engineering."

"Great." Winona approved. "Let's go get the last ones, Mr. Hendorff." She turned to smile at Jim, "Stay safe. Spock, don't let my son do anything stupid, okay?" and with that she left to go do her job. Hendorff and the other two redshirts followed her.

"Please tell me Cupcake doesn't have a crush on my mother." Jim whispered in a slightly horrified tone. He hadn't liked the way he was staring at her.

"I think it's just hero worship, if it's any consolation." McCoy told him, "Want to see who this guy is?" he crouched down next to the masked figure and pushed the button under his ear that inflated the mask, making it possible to remove it. McCoy took the mask off, revealing former Starfleet Commander Stevenson under it. The same man who had killed someone just to punish Kirk for his attempted escape. While Jim turned around, unable to look at the unconscious man without wanting to punch him, McCoy took out a medical scanner and began analyzing him.

"He's got the same thing you did in his head." He informed them, unknowingly confirming Spock's theory. Further readings showed he also had signs of torture over an extensive period of time. Spock crouched down too and touched Stevenson's face to search his mind. When he opened his eyes again, he looked up at Jim.

"The Reelan conditioned him, as we suspected."

"Scotty was right. It was just a deceit." Kirk said, suddenly reevaluating everything.

"I've got a Betazoid woman in Sickbay marked like a slave." McCoy interjected, "She certainly didn't go voluntarily."

"That's what he needed the Orions for." Kirk said. "He procured them weapons to sell and they paid him in slaves. His guinea pigs."

"Why kidnap you? You're high profile. Isn't that too much of a risk?" McCoy asked.

"Because I'm the breakable one. That's what he told me." Kirk paused as a realization hit, "I'm the bait."

"I believe you are right." Spock agreed, "This attack is just a diversion, too."

"But he's going to come back, isn't he?" Jim asked and Spock nodded, "Then I know what we need to do."

They separated. Kirk and Spock went back to the bridge to explain what they had found out to Pike, while McCoy put the first part of Jim's plan into action. He removed the trackers from the intruders' bodies, but instead of destroying them he had them sewed inside the protective suits which were then worn by a group of security officers. Jim made it back just in time to see his mother donning one over her uniform.

He grabbed her wrist to stop her and take her aside, "Why do you have to go?" the smile she gave him made Jim's mind flash back to when he was a kid, asking the very same question the few times she had to be off planet for work.

"Because I'm a security officer. This is what I do."

"No, this is what you did almost _thirty years_ ago."

"Wow, way to make me feel old." She laughed, "It's also what I've been doing for the past year, you know."

"I know, I just don't want you to get hurt. I know you only did it for me, but I'm here now. You can go back to being retired."

Winona shook her head sharply, "Not until I get the bastard who did this to you."

"Anything could go wrong." He protested.

"Nothing will. And even if it does, this suit offers a strong protection and besides," she put her hands on his cheeks in a comforting gesture, "I've got my son backing me up and there's no one I trust more. Okay?"

"Okay." He reluctantly agreed.

"Good." She smiled at him, "And tonight we'll dine on that bastard's corpse! "

"Mom!"

"I know… phasers set on stun." She held her hands up in surrender. "It was just an idea."

**Day 388**

"It's a small vessel, sir. " Sulu reported, "I detect five life signs."

"Feeling cocky." Pike commented darkly.

Jim's eyes searched Spock's, a look of understanding passing between them.

"Admiral, we're being hailed." Uhura said.

"On the view screen."

A pale alien with white hair and amber eyes appeared on the screen, "Admiral Pike. I am Xinis. You have something of mine." He spoke slowly, enunciating every word.

"You have something of a lot of people, Xinis." Pike retorted.

The Reelan smiled, showing his pointed teeth. "I also have something that will destroy you and your planet. Lower your shields and I will beam my subjects aboard." He paused, eyes searching for something, "Where is Mr. Kirk? "

"I'm here." Jim said as he stepped into view.

"Ah. Mr. Kirk. Not so breakable after all." His creepy smile grew even bigger. "I knew you would bring me more interesting subjects, but I did not think you would prove to be one, too. Humans are always so easy to break. Like Mr. Stevenson. My best result. But you are a challenge. I am not done with you yet. You will beam aboard with Mr. Spock. I have wanted a Vulcan for quite some time. Perhaps it will give better results than Betazoids. So weak because of their _empathy_. They die quite quickly because of it."

"Why are you doing this?" Pike interrupted, "It doesn't benefit your race."

The alien seemed angered, "My race. WEAK! I am a scientist. When I'm done, I will make _them _better too."

"Did I miss the clause in our contract that said we would be handling all the nut jobs?" McCoy muttered to no one in particular.

"Mr. Spock, I have acquired the red matter from New Vulcan." Xinis continued, "I will destroy what remains of your race if you do not beam aboard."

For a moment the only thing Jim could hear was the noise of Spock's soft steps as if they were resonating in him, matching the last beats of his heart. He felt suspended, even though he knew Spock was not going to offer himself up but just taking the few steps necessary to stand right at Jim's side.

"That will not be necessary." He told the Reelan.

"You would let your race die?" Xinis inclined his head to the side, looking almost intrigued by the thought.

"Negative. New Vulcan had been forewarned and what you hold is not red matter, but rather a very well crafted hologram of the original." Spock relayed and Jim could detect a hint of satisfaction in him.

"Liar!" The Reelan exploded, "It is not possible!"

"Vulcans do not lie." Spock retorted bitingly.

"Don't mess with the real scientists, Xinis." Jim said, a hint of amusement slipping through, "But, hey, you can have your other subjects back."

"Mr. Sulu, lower our shields." Pike ordered. Sulu did so, but was also ready to fire if the Reelan tried anything.

"I will come back! It is not over!" Xinis exclaimed, his speech sounding stilted in his anger. Unbeknownst to him, fifteen Starfleet officers were beamed on his ship. A few of them approached from behind, but Xinis did not pay them any mind.

"I think it is." Said a masked Winona just before she stunned him. The few crewmembers flying the ship were not equipped with the same suits, so taking care of them turned out to be quite easy. In a matter of minutes they had gained control of the small ship.

"Bring it in." Pike told them through the still open connection. He then turned to Spock, "When did you find time to warn the Vulcan Council? "

"Three weeks ago, sir. When Lieutenant Uhura first completed her encryption program, we used it to send a message to my father wherein I expressed my concerns over the arms trafficking we were investigating. Following my suggestion, they took the necessary precautions."

"It's a good thing you did or he could have held the entire Federation hostage."

"Sir, I just received a communication from Starfleet." Uhura interjected, "Captain Tamaro has found Xinis' base on Reela's second moon. They're taking care of all the prisoners."

"Once we knew who we were dealing with, he turned out to be almost disappointingly obvious." Pike commented, thinking how often ego could be the downfall of people the likes of Xinis.

"My god, how many were there?" McCoy asked Uhura.

"They don't know yet, but enough that they've easily lost count."

Kirk and Spock exchanged a look. Kirk touched two fingers to Spock's, a mix of thoughts and feelings passing through. _Can't believe it's over. Relief. Tired. Not here._

As if reading all of their minds, Pike said, "Mr. Sulu, I think it's time to go home."

**Day 388**

Kirk walked to Pike's quarters and waited to be admitted. Pike looked surprised to see him and stood up to meet him, "Jim, I thought you were with Spock."

Kirk nodded, "I was. He's been catching me up on, well, everything."

Pike raised his eyebrows, "That's a long list."

"It's faster than you'd think when you meld." Kirk replied, seemingly without thinking. Not that Pike was surprised to hear it.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked, curious as to the reason that had brought Jim there.

"No, you've already done so much. I just wanted to say…" Kirk hesitated before finally asking, "permission to act freely, sir? "

Pike's eyebrows rose in surprise, "_Act_ freely? Should I be worrie-" but he didn't manage to finish his sentence before Jim was hugging him fiercely.

"Thanks." He whispered.

Pike, feeling a lump forming in his throat, hugged him back, "Anytime, son. Anytime."

When they separated, Jim said, "I should go back. Spock's waiting for me."

"You two got everything sorted out?"

Jim smiled, "Yeah."

Pike nodded, "Good. Go, he's been waiting long enough." And it was obvious he wasn't just talking about the few minutes Jim had spent there.

When Jim reentered Spock's quarters he walked up to Spock, "I was thinking," he started casually, "I know I have my quarters and all, but- "

"Your quarters are here." Spock interrupted, as if it was obvious.

Jim's eyebrows rose, "Bossy. Normally I wouldn't like it but coming from you it's strangely arousing." His smile was a bit devilish.

Spock's own eyebrows quirked up, "I shall take note of it." He said, making Jim laugh.

"Anyway, I accept, but only because apparently I sleep better with you next to me." He grabbed Spock by his shirt and Spock went willingly, meeting his lips halfway. Love, relief, happiness coursed through their bond as they kissed. At first with an edge of desperation due to the fear that this long awaited moment could have been lost, but it soon evolved into a steady burning. A promise of the life ahead of them.

**Six Months Later**

"Looks like you found your way to the ship this time."

Jim turned around to see Gaila grinning at him. "Ha, ha. How long have you been waiting to say that?"

"_Months_." She replied.

"You better go to your station before I decide to leave you at space dock." He said, faking a menacing tone that left her unfazed.

Jim shot a look at Spock, who he could feel through the bond was actually amused.

"So, newlyweds, huh?" Gaila asked, actively ignoring Jim's order, "Five years is a long honeymoon. You think you can make it?"

Jim and Spock exchanged a look and Jim smiled, feeling the contentment coming in waves from his bond mate. "I'm sure of it."

**(Just Another Beginning)**


End file.
